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The Other Side of the Dale
By Gervase Phinn. 1998
Take a trip to the country with Gervase Phinn's heartwarming tales of life as a school inspector in Yorkshire'Gervase Phinn's…
memoirs have made him a hero in school staff-rooms' Daily Telegraph_______ As the newly appointed County Inspector of Schools in North Yorkshire, Gervase Phinn reveals in this warm and wonderfully humorous account, the experiences of his first year in the job - and what an education it was! He quickly learns that he must slow his pace and appreciate the beautiful countryside - 'Are tha'comin' in then, mester, or are tha' stoppin' out theer all day admirin' t'view?'He encounters some larger-than-life characters, from farmers and lords of the manor to teaching nuns and eccentric caretakers.And, best of all, he discovers the delightful and enchanting qualities of the Dales children, including the small boy, who, when told he's not very talkative, answers: 'If I've got owt to say I says it, and if I've got owt to ask I asks it.' With his keen ear for the absurd and sharp eye for the ludicrous, Gervase Phinn's stories in The Other Side of the Dale will not fail to make you weep with laughter.The Other Mother: A wickedly honest parenting tale for every kind of family
By Jen Brister. 2019
I'm Jen Brister: stand-up comedian, middle-aged adolescent, and mum. But not that mum - I'm the other one.'Hysterical, important, moving,…
wonderful' Sara PascoeConfused? Two years ago, my partner (a woman - we're not solicitors) gave birth to twins. (I know! Believe me, I'm still reeling myself.) Like every new parent, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Add 'gay' and 'non-biological' to the mix and what do you get? Not a weird box of detergent, but a panicked beige lesbian desperately googling, 'Will my babies love me?' at 3 a.m.A very funny, very honest look at parenting life, from IVF awfulness to crying over the pages of sleep training manuals. A perfect gift for any parent who feels they don't fit the mould of a traditional family.*LONGLISTED FOR THE POLARI PRIZE*'Damned funny. You'll find the pages of this book brimming with rich and wonderful proof' Hannah Gadsby'A side-splittingly honest look at the grim realities of same-sex parenting' DivaOpen the Cage, Murphy!: Hilarious tales of the rise of Lily Savage
By Paul O'Grady. 2015
THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER'With typical razor-sharp wit and candour, Paul tells of his rise to fame as Lily Savage .…
. . Riveting.' Daily MirrorFrom Britain's most beloved TV star, Open the Cage, Murphy is an action-packed roller-coaster ride through a decade of Paul O'Grady's life, stuffed full to the gunwales with hilarious stories, extreme situations and outrageous one-liners.A must read for any Paul O'Grady fan, Open the Cage, Murphy follows his brilliant comic creation Lily Savage as she embraces success and world domination beckons.From being involved in a plane crash, to getting caught up in the LA riots and a close encounter with Madonna, the stories come thick and fast. Paul takes us with him to a gay-themed weekend in Butlin's in Skegness, on a rowdy tour with Prisoner Cell Block H - the Musical and into the depths of the Australian rainforest, where he befriends a rare bird that can disembowel a man with a single kick. The dramatis personae include a family of dolphins, Charlton Heston and the ghost of Joan of Arc - and there's a starring role for a certain remarkable dog, Buster Elvis Savage.But whether he's writing about star-studded Hollywood parties, the devastating loss of close friends to AIDS, or late night shenanigans at the end of Blackpool Pier, Paul's wit and humanity never desert him.Open the Cage, Murphy is a genuine delight - all the more so for being delightfully genuine.Readers love Open the Cage, Murphy!'I couldn't put it down . . . Paul comes across as a very intelligent man . . . with a heart of gold under that naughty exterior.' *****'This is such a great read, Paul is excellent when describing things makes you feel as though you are there with him. His humour warmth and caring comes out in abundance.' *****'An excellent read. He takes you through the highs and lows of his life, you laugh and cry with him.' *****Only When I Laugh: My Autobiography
By Paul Merton. 2013
Known for his intelligent and often surreal humour, Paul Merton’s weekly appearances on BBC1’s Have I Got News For You…
– as well as Radio 4’s Just A Minute and his travel documentaries – have seen him become an artfully rebellious fixture in our lives for over 25 years.He also has a real story to tell. In ONLY WHEN I LAUGH, his rich and beautifully-observed autobiography, Paul takes us on an evocative journey from his working-class Fulham childhood to the present day. Whether writing about school days, his run-ins with the nuns and other pupils; his disastrous first confession; his meatpacking job; taking acid; leaving home to live in bedsit; his early brushes with the opposite sex – and not forgetting his repeated attempts to break into the world of comedy – Paul’s writing is always funny, poignant and revealing. And when his star finally ascends in the atmospherically drawn 1980s alternative cabaret scene there is a sense of excitement, energy, camaraderie, momentum and dramatic impending success……And then CRASH! In an unflinching and brilliantly written section that defines the book, we experience the disorienting and terrifying sustained manic episode that he suffered which landed him in a psychiatric hospital. These, and other tougher moments, are written about candidly and with sensitivity and honesty. Yet throughout ONLY WHEN I LAUGH, Paul Merton succeeds in telling his life story entertainingly, with warmth, humour and a big bucket load of wit. Ultimately uplifting, it is the story of a fascinating life, brilliantly told – and one of the best memoirs of the year.Only Dull People Are Brilliant at Breakfast (Penguin Little Black Classics)
By Oscar Wilde. 2016
'It would be unfair to expect other people to be as remarkable as oneself'Wilde's celebrated witticisms on the dangers of…
sincerity, duplicitous biographers, the stupidity of the English - and his own genius. One of 46 new books in the bestselling Little Black Classics series, to celebrate the first ever Penguin Classic in 1946. Each book gives readers a taste of the Classics' huge range and diversity, with works from around the world and across the centuries - including fables, decadence, heartbreak, tall tales, satire, ghosts, battles and elephants.One Leg Too Few
By William Cook. 2013
One Leg Too Few will feature an extensive range of fresh interviews, previously unpublished archive material and a wealth of…
information about the most creative (and explosive) double act that British comedy has ever produced.One Leg Too Few is a book about an extraordinary relationship: a friendship, a partnership - almost, at times, a marriage. Like a lot of marriages it ended badly, but for nearly 20 years, between the first date and the inevitable divorce, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore were the funniest thing on three continents.One Leg Too Few is the story of that relationship, and the comedy that came from it.One Hit Wonderland
By Tony Hawks. 2002
It's 1988 and radios across the land blast out the Top Ten hit 'Stutter Rap' by Morris Minor and the…
Majors. The man behind the fake moustache is Tony Hawks. Fast forward to the 21st century and those heady days of pop stardom are a distant memory. That is, until it is suggested that Tony is just another One Hit Wonder. Really? We'll have to see about that ...For two years Tony struggles to have a hit somewhere, anywhere, in the world, changing acts and styles with a bewildering lack of integrity. From Nashville to Amsterdam, from Eastern Europe to Africa, he travels the globe in search of that elusive hit.But it's only after a chance encounter with Norman Wisdom that things get really strange. Is it really possible that together they could storm the Albanian charts?In One Hit Wonderland anything can happen ...The Old Dog and Duck: The Secret Meanings of Pub Names
By Albert Jack. 2009
This is a book for everyone who has ever wondered why pubs should be called The Cross Keys, The Dew…
Drop Inn or The Hope and Anchor. You'll be glad to know that there are very good - strange and memorable - reasons behind them all.After much research about (and in) pubs, Albert Jack brings together the stories behind pub names to reveal how they offer fascinating and subversive insights on our history, customs, attitudes and jokes in just the same way that nursery rhymes do. The Royal Oak, for instance, commemorates the tree that hid Charles II from Cromwell's forces after his defeat at Worcester; The Bag of Nails is a corruption of the Bacchanals, the crazed followers of Bacchus, the god of wine and drunkenness; The Cat and the Fiddle a mangling of Catherine La Fidele and a guarded gesture of support for Henry VIII's first, Catholic, wife Catherine of Aragon; plus many, many more. Here too are even more facts about everything from ghosts to drinking songs to the rules of cribbage and shove hapenny, showing that, ultimately, the story of pub history is really the story of our own popular historyOdd-Shaped Balls: Mischief-Makers, Miscreants and Mad-Hatters Of Rugby
By John Scally. 2004
Rugby is not a game for those who think that centres are what you find in a box of Black…
Magic or who confuse Jonah Lomu with Joanna Lumley. At the same time, it is not a game for the bright: what kind of tortured mind would invent an oval ball? Of course, it helps if you know the rules and don't have any fear. In this respect you are in the same boat as most referees, particularly if you have a problem with your eyesight. Odd-Shaped Balls captures the humour, the agony and the ecstasy of one of the world's most popular sports. It snoops inside sweaty, smelly dressing-rooms, reveals the passions of coaches and fans - without whom rugby would cease to exist - and delves deep into the sport's archives to recall its heroes, villains and victims, all of whom are part of the daily currency. The book is no less than a who's who of the game, with both old and young getting the opportunity to have their say. Lining out is a cast of mischief-makers, miscreants and mad-hatters: from Max Boyce to Keith Wood; from Sean Fitzpatrick to Austin Healy; from Bill Beaumont and his streaker to Gavin Hastings; from Gareth Edwards to David Campese; and from the man in the scrum to the man at the bar. All exponents of surrealism, comic genius and savage wit, they offer a quirky insight into the sporting psyche as well as providing some riotous good laughs.With hundreds of funny stories, Odd-Shaped Balls is a light-hearted romp through decades of rugby tomfoolery that is guaranteed to put a smile on the face of all sports fans.Nowhere to Run: The ridiculous life of a semi-professional football club chairman
By Jonathan Sayer. 2023
‘Captures the illogical romance of the sport’ NEW STATESMANEver wondered what it would be like to run your local football…
club?On the second oldest football pitch in the world, Jonathan Sayer stands atop a beer crate to address the assembled fans. As his initial optimism begins to slip through his fingers, the new chairman of Ashton United starts to realize the scale of the challenge ahead.With a fan-led mutiny on his hands, a star striker on crutches, and a record number of games without a win, Jonathan is forced to make a series of increasingly desperate decisions – from sinking his life savings into an ever-spiralling wage bill to inviting a local priest to perform a late-night exorcism on the pitch.Chronicling the euphoric highs and bitter disappointments of the less glamourous side of the beautiful game, Nowhere to Run is the hilarious, heart-warming tale of life in the hot seat of a non-league football club.‘A glorious chronicle of memorable highs, bitter disappointments and never-ending bills’MIRRORThe (Not Quite) Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book: Children's Edition
By Tim Vine. 2011
Comedian and TV star, Tim Vine, will have you laughing for hours with this new, abridged version of his hilarious…
joke book . . .Velcro.What a rip off.Why do you never see an elephant on a bus? Because he's got a massive bum.So I went to the doctors. I said, 'I got hurt in a pillow fight.' He said, 'You've got concushion.'Believe it or not there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are peopleI tried to surf the Internet and I fell off my chairRead it to find these funny puns, plus many more original jokes and illustrations. You won't be able to put it down!Not in My Name: A Compendium of Modern Hypocrisy
By Chas Newkey-Burden, Julie Burchill. 2008
It is a great and glorious tradition the world over - to vehemently state one thing and then do the…
exact opposite. Royals are doing it, reformed smokers are doing it, and politicians are virtually synonymous with it. Welcome to the heyday of hypocrisy.From the Everyday Hypocrites (cyclists, white hip-hop fans, reality television-haters) to the truly pungent Stinking Hypocrites (chav-haters, green campaigners and anti-Americans), Julie Burchill and Chas Newkey-Burden pull no punches in their witty harangue of those who shamelessly say one thing and do another. Features the modern hypocrite's favourite holiday destinations, sporting heroes and the hilarious Hypocrites' Ultimate Weekend.The Nolympics: One Man's Struggle Against Sporting Hysteria
By Nicholas Lezard. 2012
Nicholas Lezard loved London. Then the London 2012 Olympics came along ...Suddenly his beloved city was invaded by über-people in…
branded sportswear who had contorted their bodies into odd shapes in order to run a bit faster, or throw things a bit further. Not to mention armies of reptilian brand-managers, chancers and corporate cheerleaders all wanting to cash in, as a blameless piece of the East End was turned (at tear-inducing cost) into one huge folly.In The Nolympics Nicholas Lezard gives us the perfect antidote to Olympics fever with a hilarious blow-by-blow account of how he survived its highs and lows, triumphs and soul-destroying boredom. It is a book for anyone who would rather sit in the dark watching TV than ever wave a flag, who was last to be picked for PE, or who just feels that somewhere along the way the Spirit of the Games was smothered by wads of money. It is the only Olympic souvenir you'll ever need.No Shame: How to drop the guilt … from some who’s learned the f**king hard way
By Laura Belbin. 2022
Shame, shame we know your nameDo we own it? Being a woman that is. Do we fuck! We live in…
fear of how we look, what we eat, how we age and what we do. Wow, it's 2022 and we're still churning out that same old shit. I've been told as you get older you care less. Fucking great. I can't wait to be menopausal with skunk-like grey track lines in my hair, saggier tits, and miserable as shit. I don't know about you, but I'd quite like to have that experience - the no-fucks-experience that is - now, before that all happens. To have the confidence to believe in who I am. It's a push we all have to make - whether it be in our confidence over our bodies, who we are as people, or what goes on inside our mind - and we all have to work at it. It's baby steps. So let's take it back to those tiny steps, because all mountains that are climbed don't happen without practice, perseverance, self-belief and a fuck ton of work.Never Shag a Scorpio: From Aries to Pisces, the astrology guide to dating
By B. J. Lovegood. 2023
Have you ever been ensnared by a Scorpio? Ghosted by a Gemini? Catfished by a Cancer? Well dear reader, this…
is the book for you. Strap in as Astrologer B.J. Lovegood takes you on a journey through the galaxy where you'll learn how to dodge red flags and avoid dating disasters.Never Shag a Scorpio is an amorous adventure through the zodiac. Funny, smutty and embarrassingly accurate, it will teach you how to lure a Leo, turn on a Taurus and impress a Pisces' parents.Complete with full romantic profiles for each star sign and hilarious and handy listicles such as 'Top 5 places to have sex with a Sagittarius' and 'A Taurus's top 5 breakup songs', this book is your go-to guide to navigating the steamy side of astrology.Nation's Favourite: Comic Poems
By Griff Rhys Jones. 1983
This wonderful anthology contains some of the nation's all-time favourite comic poetry. From much-loved classics such as Lewis Carroll's curious…
'Jabberwocky' to lesser known and forgotten gems such as Gelett Burgess's 'The Purple Cow', Griff Rhys Jones takes us on a poetic tour of witty, nonsensical and plain laugh-out-loud funny poems. The selection brings together poets from every age and every walk of life, from Shakespeare to Victoria Wood and from Keats to Benjamin Zephaniah. There is Roald Dahl's cunning variation on 'Little Red Riding Hood', Spike Milligan's brilliantly ridiculous 'On the Ning Nang Nong' as well as several entries from the ever-elusive Anon, including one delightfully succint 'Peas'. Remembered, half-remembered, cherished or written on a tea towel, here are some of the nation's favourite comic poems.My Favourite People & Me: 1978-1988
By Alan Davies. 2009
Alan Davies was always a hoarder. Pages from Smash Hits, rolled up gig posters, Cup Final ticket stubs, Woody Allen…
paperbacks, NME covers and Blondie calendars filled boxes once used to ferry shopping home from supermarkets (back when supermarkets would leave boxes out for the ferrying of shopping). Not much that came down from Alan's bedroom wall made it into the bin, never mind the uninvented bin-liner.Growing up is not easy. So many decisions: Who to revere, Sheene or McEnroe? Who to imitate, Starsky or Hutch? Who to dislike overnight in an effort to show maturity, Thatcher or Scargill? How to decide which pin-ups to unpin when a batch of Animal Rights leaflets or a satirical poster of Ronald Reagan demand wallspace?The Impressionable Age of a young man lasts around a decade and the idols and icons of that period can reveal much of the time and of the impressed subject.Nostalgic, warm and laugh-out-loud funny My Favourite People and Me 1978-1988 is an affectionate trip through a suburban childhood in Essex and an eighties education in Kent. As Alan says, 'an attempt to remember who and what I liked as a boy/youth/idiot and to work out why. There are also some pictures.'My Family and Other Strangers: Adventures in Family History
By Jeremy Hardy. 2010
When Jeremy Hardy decided to explore his ancestry it was, in part, to get to the bottom of his grandmother…
Rebecca's dubious claims that the family descended from a certain 17th-century architect and that, more recently, Jeremy's great-grandfather was a Royal bodyguard. Other legends ranged from the great aunt who ran illegal hooch during Prohibition to the wronged Victorian servant girl who bore an illegitimate Hardy, not forgetting the family's rightful claim to a large country estate. Wild stories aside, Jeremy sets out to such diverse locations as the Croydon one-way system and the hostile waters around Malta in order to find traces of recognisable family traits and a sense of how he came to be. With wry humour and a keen eye for the absurd and the frustrating, Jeremy takes us on a by turns funny and moving journey into the world of family ancestry. My Family and Other Strangers will be enjoyed by anyone who has tried to decipher the 1901 census records, or simply wishes they too had asked their grandparents more about their lives.Mrs Brown's Family Handbook
By Brendan O'Carroll. 2013
Uncover hilarious and unique insights into the Brown family, in Brendan O'Carroll's first official book on his NTA winning comic…
creation Mrs Brown's Boys.Millions od us have wondered: how does Agnes Brown do it? Keeping her end up while seven grown-up children tear about the fecking place like the eejits don't have a home to go to.Packed with Mammy's tips for keeping a perfect family - or at least, just a family - as well as contributions from her children, neighbours and other hangers on, Mrs Brown's Family Handbook dispenses endless advice in her fecking fantastic style.You'll learn: Why every mammy's secret weapon is the tea towel The dos and don'ts of cleaning up Granddad What Dermot doesn't know about farting (not much) What Winnie knows about seks (not enough) All about the Five-Sausages-A-Day Diet (hint: contains sausages) From Maria, all about pain relief in child birth (if it's free, fecking take it)The must-have gift for any Mrs Brown fan, Mrs Brown's Family Handbook is perfect for equally large and chaotic families, or those in small families curious about what they're missing...Brendan O'Carroll is an Irish writer, producer, comedian, actor, director and author. He is best known for playing Agnes Brown in Mrs Brown's Boys, which won the best sitcom BAFTA in 2012 and best comedy at the National Television Awards 2020. He has written four films and nine comedy shows, including The Course (1995) and The Last Wedding (1999). He has also published seven novels, including The Mammy, The Scrapper and The Young Wan - a number of which have been translated into 12 languages.Motorworld
By Jeremy Clarkson. 2004
Jeremy Clarkson invites us to Motorworld, his take on different cultures and the cars that they drive.There are ways and…
means of getting about that don't involve four wheels, but in this slice of vintage Clarkson, Jeremy isn't much interested in them.Back in 1996, he took himself off to twelve countries (okay, eleven - he goes to America twice) in search of the hows, whys and wherefores of different nationalities and their relationships with cars. There were a few questions he needed answers to:* Why, for instance, is it that Italians are more interested in looking good than looking where they are going?* Why do Indians crash a lot?* How can an Arab describe himself as 'not a rich man' with four of the world's most expensive cars in his drive? * And why have the otherwise neutral Swiss declared war on the car?From Cuba to Iceland, Australia to Vietnam, Japan to Texas, Jeremy Clarkson tells us of his adventures on and off four wheels as he seeks to discover just what it is that makes our motorworld tick over. _____________Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard