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By Boze Hadleigh. 2017
Life’s a Pooch is, pardon the expression, catnip for dog lovers. Its five riveting chapters comprise hundreds of celebrity quotes…and anecdotes about everyone’s best friend. By turns funny, touching, surprising, and informative, it embraces every aspect of the human-dog bond and explores our furry companions’ sometimes baffling world and celebrates their impact on ours. Those quoted range from animal superheroes Betty White and Doris Day to Leonardos da Vinci and DiCaprio to dog trainers, Lassie costars, singers and actors, presidents, Walt Disney, and Martha Stewart--to name a few!Did you know that . . . Comparing canines with people, Marilyn Monroe once said, “A dog will never tell you to shut up”? Aldous Huxley explained the pooch’s popularity: “To his dog, every man is Napoleon,” while President Harry Truman advised, “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog”? For Renee Zellweger, “Finding exactly the right dog is a lot like falling in love”? Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz felt, “Happiness is a warm puppy”? And singer Adele is happy to be “my dog’s best friend”? Poignant, silly, and heart-warming, Life's a Pooch is a must-have for every dog lover!
By Phil Villarreal. 2009
Phil Villarreal is not a Harvard MBA or a professional financial advisor or a talking head on a cable television…network focusing on business, but he can change your financial life-if you are willing to move into the gray areas of money and ethics. His advice is as funny as it is useful as it is a little bit evil. Instead of playing straight and saving money by cutting back on things you need or want, Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel has a better plan to save money by working the system and sticking it to "the man." Here's how to get free Internet service, never pay for ketchup and plastic straws, get refunds on already opened DVDs, clothe yourself using free swag from credit card promotions, benefit from the bonanza that is the garbage thrown out by college kids, how to get in free to sporting events, score free on-demand movies in hotels, and more! Hilarious, tongue-in-cheek, and sardonically practical, this is the book for everyone who loves rule-bending, loophole-exploiting, money-saving madness. In this economy, it's every man for himself and dog-eat-dog-and this book can help.
Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of…the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the twenty-first century. In the tradition of bestsellers like The Zombie Survival Guide and The Zen of Zombie, The Vampire Survival Guide covers everything you need to know to protect yourself from vampires. Topics include the habits and routines of vampires, how to tell if somebody you know has become a vampire, how to protect yourself from attack, how to set traps, what to do if you must fight off multiple vampires, how to cleanse an entire town after devastating vampiric attacks, and much more. It confronts head-on the most terrifying situation of all-that of being bitten by a vampire-by providing the reader with numerous approaches, rooted in both science and medicine and religion, for fighting off blood-suckers before it is too late. Vampires are found in every country in the world-not just in Eastern Europe and Sunnydale, California. With the human population expected to reach over 9 billion by the year 2050, confrontations between men, women, children, and vampires are increasingly inevitable. This guide is the human race's best hope.
By Alan Henderson. 2013
America's favorite hairstyle is back in a big way! Ever since its meteoric rise to superstar status in the 1980s,…the mullet has persisted for generations as a cultural touchstone in the hearts and minds of the public. Love it or hate it, there's no ignoring this one-of-a-kind 'do and its profound sociological significance. Mullet Madness! examines the tumultuous history of the enigmatic American mullet, from its (possible) Neolithic origins to its (questionable) presence atop the mighty Sphinx, from the white powdered mullets of our nation's founding fathers to the storied coifs of Billy Ray Cyrus, Hulk Hogan, and David Copperfield. Here is everything you need to go from total "neck blanket" amateur to certified mullet connoisseur. Bone up on the finer points of styling and upkeep. Learn to recognize the subtle variety of form so you'll never confuse a Rattail Mullet with the classic Stingray look. Peruse galleries of iconic mullets from history, sports, movies, TV, music, and everyday Joes (and Janes!). Whether you call it an "Alabama Waterfall," "Hockey Hair," "The MacGuyver," or "the Billy-Ray," Mullet Madness! will have you reaching for the nearest pair of scissors, a mirror, and a six-pack of beer.
By Scott Kenemore. 2009
From professional athletes like Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan to philosophers like Confucius, inspirational business books love to suggest that…readers can succeed in business and in life by adopting the traits of their famous subjects. In Z.E.O. by Scott Kenemore, frustrated employees will finally find inspiration in a source they can already relate to: zombies! A guide for any Joe-lunchbox or aspiring-C.E.O., Z.E.O. illustrates how the lessons learned from zombies and zombie films can be applied-from the typing-pool to the boardroom-to further a professional career, increase personal and corporate wealth, and harness the tools to personal success. Taking up where other business and personal finance books leave off, Z.E.O. provides nuts-and-bolts instructions for taking the inspirational aspects of zombies and adopting them to maximize your own personal effectiveness. Sure, you might have to knock a few heads-and eat a few brains-along the way, but that doesn't stop a zombie. Why should it stop you?
By Lisa Boyer. 2005
Another book of quilting humor -- from the author of the ever-popular book "That Dorky Homemade Look!" Funny woman Lisa…Boyer is an expert quilter. And she's determined to enjoy making quilts. In fact, she will not -- absolutely will not -- let the risk of making a mistake, or a less-than- perfect quilt, keep her from relishing the task! In the 34 chapters of this new book, Lisa covers: The need for new fabric colors -- "blurple," "rorange," and "brellow," to name a few; The virtues of lumps in a quilt; How to share your bum fat quarter at a fabric exchange; How crocheting doilies will drive you back to quilting; How to cope when your quilts lack depth and dimension. Lisa Boyer is a breeze of fresh air. She brings you back to the pleasure of quilting with her confessions and adventures in Stash Envy!
By Nancy Levine, Wilson The Pug. 2017
Playful, endearing, and clearly profound, The Tao of Pug looks at the big picture from the eyes of a little…dog.Meet Wilson the Pug, a dog with a great deal of wisdom to share. A much-admired spiritual teacher, Wilson lives by the principles of the Tao Te Ching, the ancient Chinese text on the art of living. Passed on through the generations from his ancestor Pug-tzu-companion to the philosopher and author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-tzu -the wisdom of the Tao has helped Wilson lead a simple, peaceful, and fulfilling life.Deciding it was time to share this spiritual knowledge, Wilson enlisted the help of his owner (and photographer), Nancy Levine, to bring you The Tao of Pug. Each photograph captures Wilson’s charm and humor as he illustrates the timeless principles of the Tao Te Ching with examples from his active life alongside quotes from the original text. With his adorably expressive face, funny poses, and trademark yin-yang coat, Wilson has an unmistakable magnetism that has won him countless admirers, of all canine and philosophical persuasions.Wilson’s comical lessons on life pair beautifully with Levine’s delightful photographs to make The Tao of Pug a must-have book for pug lovers of any age.
Office Weapons: Catapults, Darts, Shooters, Tripwires, and Other Do-It-Yourself Projects to Fortify Your Cubicle
By Instructables. Com, Mike Warren. 2013
Bored in your office? Did your coworker just prank you and you're wondering how to get him back? Is your…boss constantly stealing your paperclips and you don't know how to keep his mitts away from your desk? Office Weapons gives you the complete step-by-step instructions for thirty different daring office pranks.<P><P> Check out these simple but effective weapons fashioned from office materials and be prepared next time someone borrows your special stapler or leaves the copy machine jammed.Just a few of the projects you'll find inside:Office Booby TrapSimple Paper Clip GunOffice Sling ShotArrows for Paper Clip BowHow to Make Cool Nun Chucks with Office SuppliesOffice Stationery DartsBinder Clip CatapultOffice Supplies Grappling GunThese projects are made by the best in the business; the office workers who actually need them! They say necessity is the mother of invention; leave it to the Instructables community to put that theory to the test!
By Jenna Fischer, Angela Kinsey. 2022
An intimate, behind-the-scenes, richly illustrated celebration of beloved The Office co-stars Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey’s friendship, and an insiders'…view of Pam Beesly, Angela Martin, and the iconic TV show. Featuring many of their never-before-seen photos.Receptionist Pam Beesly and accountant Angela Martin had very little in common when they toiled together at Scranton’s Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. But, in reality, the two bonded in their very first days on set and, over the nine seasons of the series’ run, built a friendship that transcended the show and continues to this day. Sharing everything from what it was like in the early days as the show struggled to gain traction, to walking their first red carpet—plus exclusive stories on the making of milestone episodes and how their lives changed when they became moms—The Office BFFs is full of the same warm and friendly tone Jenna and Angela have brought to their Office Ladies podcast.
By Scott Becker. 2017
Scott Becker spent over 12 years working for the TSA at Chicago’s O’Hare airport and served it in numerous capacities,…from baggage screener to manager. He brings to TSA Baggage a wealth of experience and stories that have something for everyone:•Candid Cameos: Several stories in TSA Baggage feature appearances from celebrities, including Madeleine Albright, Patch Adams, and the Kardashians•Behind-the-Scenes Look: For anyone who’s ever wondered what happens in the parts of airports hidden from a view or during a shift at a security check, this book provides first-hand accounts of the inner workings of airports and the people who keep them humming•Laugh Track: Airports seem to attract the misguided, confused, and weird, and this provides for plenty of laughs, whether its passengers attempting to bring grenades in their luggage or trying to skip through security in a drunken tizzy•Travel Warning: This book can also be a great guide to do’s and don’ts for all future travelers, with tips from someone who’s seen everything that can go right and wrong at an airportTravel brings out the good, bad, and ugly in everyone, and TSA Baggage captures all of it for readers from a first-hand witness to the whole circus. Strap in and get ready for a great read.
True stories from the world of temporary employment for anyone terrified of being stuck in a job they hate.When Steven…Barker was twelve, his father, in pursuit of the American Dream, moved the family from Canada to Connecticut, having worked his way up from an IBM mailroom to landing a vice president position in a top computer factory. Steven, in contrast, has followed the philosophy of "quit everything until you find something you don't want to quit," and has spent over fifteen years as a contract employee, a demographic that has come to make up 2 percent of the nation's work force. Now for the Disappointing Part is the first collection of essays written for the temp workers of the millennial generation-those who, by choice or circumstance, delay or abandon plans for long-term careers for the variety (and anxiety) of contract work.Funny, insightful, and sometimes shocking, Barker details his life moving from job to job as his contracts expire. He faces abuse as an account manager at Amazon when callers assume he's in India. He learns about office politics at a nonprofit. And he attends an open call at UPS for holiday help. The chapters explore issues ranging from financial instability to how gender and race play into the workforce to the (often poor) treatment temporary employees receive compared to full-time employees performing the same job. Throughout Barker also reveals his parallel relationships with women, which, like the jobs he works, appear to have predetermined expiration dates.Now for the Disappointing Part is more than the stories of a man who thinks life is too short to spend forty hours a week doing something you hate. It will resonate with a generation of people who are struggling to find work, stability, and happiness, and are afraid of losing all of them.
By Avram Mlotek. 2020
A Fun Take on "Judaism for Dummies" that Will Answer All Questions Wondered by the Goyim and Jewish People Alike!…When the subject of religion comes up, people often get very shy and are worried about offending. Now, if there was only a book that covered all the nooks and crannies of a religion, written in an easily digestible way... Well, now there is! Written by Rabbi Avram Mlotek, Why Jews Do That is a terrific look into the Jewish religion, answering all the tough questions you've been afraid to ask. But this isn't just for the Jews among us. Just because you're Catholic, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or the like, doesn't mean you cannot enjoy an inside look to find out if Jews believe in Jesus, what kosher really is, and how we keep our yarmulkes secured to our heads. So have no fear, as Jews are here to help! Some of the tough questions answered by Rabbi Mlotek include: What's with Jews and candles?Do Jews have confession like Catholics?Why are Jews obsessed with food?Is sex kosher? What about marijuana?And much more!Why Jews Do That is your one-stop shop for answers to all the questions you wanted to know, but were too shy to ask. So whether you're a devout follower, a casual observer, someone marrying into the faith, or just interested in buffing up your Bible knowledge, Rabbi Mlotek will guide you through the challah, mitzvahs, and shiksas that make Jewish life so...lively.
By W. R. Runyan. 2007
Did you know that a horse apple is actually a type of orange? Or that a whiffletree is not a…tree at all? You will, after you pore through this delightful dictionary of old-fashioned words that are quickly slipping from America’s vocabulary. With over 100 illustrations, and steeped in nostalgia, it makes for a fun trip down memory lane. Wander into America’s past and play a game of Rolley Holley, buy a Tin Lizzy, and make friends with some doughboys. And if you want to know where to put a snaffle or when to perform the Green Corn Stomp Dance, the answers are here. With its convenient format, this guide is great for anyone curious about what things were really like "back in the day.”
Who knew that one could make a claim to fame in such an unorthodox way? The Weirdest and Wackiest World…Records may not list the most traditional achievements, but it sure will leave readers speechless. From astonishing eating records to man's most absurd "talents," this book delves into the unconventional actions taken by many to make their milestone. Some of these "achievements" are: - Hairiest Man-Victor "Larry" Ramos Gomez, with 98% of his body covered- Most Tattoos on a Senior Citizen-Isobel Varley, with 93% of her body covered- Longest Distance on a Unicycle for Twenty-Four Hours- Sam Wakeling, who covered 281.85 miles in 2007 - Most Asparagus Eaten in Ten Minutes-Joey Chestnut, with 9 lbs., 5.2 oz. in 2011 - And hundreds more! Sure to leave you shocked, amused, and entertained, The Weirdest and Wackiest World Records is the perfect source to learn about the most bizarre feats that have ever been successfully attempted. So whether you're fascinated by the crazy people who set these records or are looking for an insane record to break, you'll most certainly find it here. This is a book you will have to read to believe!
By Andrew Ginsburg. 2017
In Pumping Irony, fitness expert Andrew Ginsburg presents a workout and diet program that helps one lose weight, build muscle,…and sculpt a unique body. Ginsburg treats each physique as an art project, except the body is the canvas, the weights are the paintbrush, and the food is the paint. In addition to the diet and exercise regime, this book offers unique insight into finding the right trainer, advice on how to sniff out fake trainers, gym etiquette, and details regarding how to find the right gym attire. The mental side of fitness is also discussed to keep the trainee motivated to reach their fitness goals. Pumping Irony presents a tried and true workout and diet strategy that leaves nothing to chance. By combining extensive fitness knowledge with engaging humor, this book makes the notion of going to the gym a fun and exciting one. Readers will be able to laugh their way through the workout, regardless of its intensity.
The only thing Americans want to read more than Trump's tax returns.Constantly late to work? Caught cheating on your spouse…again? Can't stop tweeting unhinged rants against your political enemies at three in the morning? Then The Kellyanne Conway Technique is the book you need.Preeminent spin expert and University of Phoenix Online alumnus, Jarret Berenstein, brings you the world's only comprehensive analysis of the tricks, distractions, and outright lies utilized daily by White House advisor Kellyanne Conway and distills her special brand of verbal jujitsu into a spin Bible for the common man.Filled with real transcripts from the esteemed spin-ster herself, The Kellyanne Conway Technique takes the invaluable lessons from her verbal boxing matches with the mainstream media and breaks down, step by step, the mental and rhetorical aerobatics she performs as the talking piece for a president who once wrestled Vince McMahon on the WWE. From alternative facts to the Bowling Green Massacre, take lessons from Kellyanne's greatest hits.The Kellyanne Conway Technique is the perfect guide to outsmarting the Jake Tappers in your own life: whether that is your boss, your husband, or a special hearing of the congressional oversight committee. Never again be held accountable for anything you do with a little help from Kellyanne!
By Michael Teitelbaum, Jon Apple. 2012
In this dead-on parody of a children's classic, a very hungry zombie eats his way through a variety of his…favorite foods, including clowns, astronauts, rock stars, fingers, and brains. With vivid, playful art and amusing text, The Very Hungry Zombie will appeal to picture-book lovers of all ages. Adults will catch its slightly demented humor. Older kids who grew up on classic board books will love the fun of the parody. And because the art leans toward humor rather than truly graphic grossness, a new generation of little ones may just grow up loving a creepy zombie whose gluttony earns him a bellyache.Beware! This equal opportunity ghoulish gourmand would just love to have you for dinner!
A Single Mom Shares Her Inspiring and Funny Tales of Parenting, Full of Love, Advice, and Humor Being a single…mother means relaxing your cleanliness standards. A lot. Being a single mother means missing your kids like crazy when your ex has them, only to want to give them back ten minutes after they come home. Being a single mother means accepting sleep deprivation as a natural state. Being a single mother means hauling a toddler, a baby, and a diaper bag while wearing high heels and a cute skirt, because you never know when you’ll meet someone. Being a single mother means finding out you are stronger than you ever knew was possible. Since birth, Lara Lillibridge’s children wanted, “Mama, Mama, only Mama!” whether they were tired or just woke up from a nap—whether they were starving or had just finished a bowl of goldfish crackers. Over ten years later, not much has changed. Between hilarious episodes and candid stories, Lillibridge offers the bits of advice and enlightenment she’s gained along the way and never fails to commiserate on the many challenges that come with raising children in a non-nuclear family. This creative, touching memoir will resonate with single moms everywhere, whether solo parenting is new territory or well-trodden ground for them. Written in the style of a diary with blogs, articles and recipes tucked between the pages, Mama, Mama, Only Mama follows Lillibridge and her two children, Big Pants and Tiny Pants, out of divorce, through six years of single parenting, and into the family blender with a quasi-stepfather called SigO. Complete with highly useful recipes such as congealed s’more stew, recycled snack candy bars, instant oatmeal cookies and a fine chicken casserole that didn’t pass Tiny Pants’s “lick test,” Lillibridge grows into her role as mother, finds true love, and comes to terms with her ex-husband.
Jump out of the Battle Bus and jump into more than eight hundred side-splitting jokes! Jump out of the Battle…Bus and jump into more than eight hundred side-splitting jokes! Jokes for Fortniters is an all-new, laugh-out-loud book of jokes for you and your squad. From Battle Royale puns and wordplay to funny one-liners that will have you dancing, this hysterical book has the cleverest jokes about Fortnite and game play. Cackle your way to victory with the funniest, craziest, and silliest jokes you can fire off to everyone on the island! Inside you will find funny gags such as: What do a door and a new Fortnite player have in common?They both get “knocked” a lot. What happens after you drink too much Slurp Juice?You burp juice! What kind of pop should Fortniters never drink?Shield pop!Where do Fortniters sleep?In a nite fort! For kids ages eight and up, this is the perfect book for at home, at school, or any battle royale! You’ll enjoy telling these silly jokes to your friends and family. Get extra laughs from silly illustrations throughout!
By Elamin Abdelmahmoud. 2022
From one of the most beloved media personalities of his generation comes a one-of-a-kind reflection on Blackness, faith, language, pop…culture, and the challenges and rewards of finding your way in the world.Professional wrestling super fandom, Ontario's endlessly unfurling 401 highway, late nights at the convenience store listening to heavy metal—for writer and podcast host Elamin Abdelmahmoud, these are the building blocks of a life. Son of Elsewhere charts that life in wise, funny, and moving reflections on the many threads that weave together into an identity. Arriving in Canada at age 12 from Sudan, Elamin's teenage years were spent trying on new ways of being in the world, new ways of relating to his almost universally white peers. His is a story of yearning to belong in a time and place where expectation and assumptions around race, faith, language, and origin make such belonging extremely difficult, but it's also a story of the surprising and unexpected ways in which connection and acceptance can be found. In this extraordinary debut collection, the process of growing—of trying, failing, and trying again to fit in—is cast against the backdrop of the memory of life in a different time, and different place—a Khartoum being bombed by the United States, a nation seeking to define and understand itself against global powers of infinite reach. Taken together, these essays explore how we pick and choose from our experience and environment to help us in the ongoing project of defining who we are—how, for instance, the example of Mo Salah, the profound grief practices of Islam, the nerdy charm of The O.C.'s Seth Cohen, and the long shadow of colonialism can cohere into a new and powerful whole. With the perfect balance of relatable humor and intellectual ferocity, Son of Elsewhere confronts what we know about ourselves, and most important, what we&’re still learning.