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Parenting, Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
For fans of Go the F*ck to Sleep, Mommy Cusses is a hilarious novelty parenting book full of tell-it-like-it-is quotes,…
snarky lists, and too-true anecdotes that will resonate with new moms everywhere.For new-ish mothers who need to laugh at the absurdity of parenting so they don't cry, who are looking for a we're-in-this-together sense of solidarity, and who don't have time to read a "real" book, here is a hilarious and highly relatable collection of mom malarkey. There are real-talk quotes, helpful lists (such as "How to Look Like You Have Your Act Together"), "mom-tivities," and quizzes, all delivered with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Packaged in a handy trim size with colorful illustrations throughout, Mommy Cusses is the perfect gift for moms and moms-to-be who need some comic relief.• GREAT GIFT: Mommy Cusses is super relatable and laugh-out-loud funny, making it an easy gift for Mother's Day or a baby shower, or an anytime gift for a parent.• PERENNIAL TOPIC: It doesn't take long to experience all the ups and downs of parenting. Mommy Cusses features timeless mommy humor that won't go out of style and a fresh look and feel that speaks to young parents.Perfect for:• Expectant parents and parents of children under 5• Shoppers looking for a baby shower or Mother's Day gift for a friend, spouse, or daughter• Followers of the Mommy Cusses blog or Instagram account
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Humour, Reference
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
It's a fact that men love lists: with lists, men can find the most interesting information with the least amount…
of effort. This book contains over 250 lists covering the most important subjects in life - cars, sports, barbecues, gadgets - and answers the most vital questions: Are Ferraris faster than Lamborghinis? What's the most common murder weapon? Who was the fattest Prime Minister? Which city has the highest proportion of women to men? What's the most alcholic beer in the world?No matter what your chosen subject may be, Top 10 for Men is a must for every pub-trivia king.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
A compendium of insane British BureaucracyEveryone has a call-centre story or some nightmare encounter at the hands of 'customer services'…
to relate. The Little Black Book of Red Tape is a kind of compendium of such stories, a sort of almanac of the bullshit of the modern world, and a catalogue of individual heroic battles against the corporate state.It features the Derby householder who is selling off minute plots of his back garden to well wishers around the world for £1 each to prevent the council putting a bypass through it; the Shropshire bus service that doesn't stop as 'stopping disrupts the timetable'; and the hospital recently fined £2.5 million for using 'spare capacity' to treat patients quickly.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no…
bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.
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Humour, Animals and wildlife
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
Ollie was just about cured of his basketcase habits; the neurotic lurcher at last appeared to have his paws planted…
firmly on the ground (well, almost). But did Stephen Foster take a well-earned rest? Not. He decided one thing was missing from Ollie's life, someone who could really understand him, a friend with whom he could have dog-to-dog chats. ? If you must get another dog get a girl, the experts told Foster. So he got a boy, a pure-bred Saluki lunatic called Dylan. As soon as the new puppy peered through the door, Ollie threw his master a look of contemptuous disbelief that said, ? I refuse to have anything whatsoever to do with this. You're on your own, pal. The riotously funny Along came Dylan takes up where Foster's bestselling Walking Ollie left off, but instead of one canine conundrum, he's got two: Dylan, the outlaw, proves to be virtually untrainable; Ollie, feeling threatened, becomes increasingly antisocial, and Foster is caught in the middle wondering why man's best friends can't just be friends.
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Humour, Actors biography, Parenting
Human-narrated audio
From one of the country's most beloved comedians and host of CBC Radio's incredibly popular program The Debaters comes a…
funny, poignant, and at times unexpectedly wise look at what it means to be a dad in this day and age.Steve Patterson has been thinking about dad-dom for quite a while. In Dad Up! he gives his all to be the best father possible to two young girls while imparting his hard-won wisdom and insights to readers everywhere.The youngest of five boys growing up in an Irish Catholic household, Patterson mines his childhood for any sage advice he might have picked up from his own dad. He talks with candour about the difficulty he and his wife, Nancy, had conceiving, finding humour in their experiences with the fertility clinic's automated phone calls (which Patterson calls "RoboPimp") informing them when Nancy was ovulating. He chronicles the disappointment of failing to get pregnant, only to have the miracle conception take place in Regina during Grey Cup Week, under the guiding spirit of the Saskatchewan Roughriders and comedian Brent Butt (don't ask).From that point on, Steve Patterson assumes full dad-mode, riffing on the biohazard that is changing a diaper, the absolute futility of stuffed animals, becoming a public breastfeeding warrior in the most unexpected of places, and how growing up a little boy in no way prepares you to being a father to little girls.Most importantly, Dad Up! charts the awesome experience of watching tiny infants that you somehow had a hand in creating evolve into confident and crafty little people, and the lessons that they teach along the way.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
'Personal and engaging . . . anyone who agrees that Star Wars was a defining moment of our collective childhood…
will love this book' - The Times'Funny and affectionate' - Time Out'Will have you hitching aboard the Millennium Falcon to a galaxy overflowing with infinite possibilities. ****' - Metro*************In 1981, the eight-year-old Bob Fischer was entranced by Daleks, Vogons and crack Imperial Stormtroopers. Almost three decades later, Bob decides to rekindle the affair with a tour of the UK's sci-fi and cult TV conventions. Freewheeling from Doctor Who to Discworld, Star Wars to Star Trek and Robin of Sherwood to Red Dwarf, he combines misty-eyed memories with a terrifying travelogue of terrible, torturous . . . terror. Or something. In space, no one can hear you scream. And don't expect much sympathy in Peterborough, either.
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Biography, Humour, Animals and wildlife
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
You can take a cat to water but you can't make it think. Last summer, Chris Pascoe decided to do…
something monumentally stupid. He decided to stay at home with his two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Maya and disaster-prone tabby Birmingham, Brum for short. And also with Brum's rather vicious live-in-partner-girl-cat Sammy, who he intended mainly not to wake. Let biting cats lie. Why he believed time with Brum would, with all the years of contrary evidence, be quality he's not at all sure . . .The result is a series of tales of death-defying feats. Paddling pools, gazebos, small birds and kitchens - all aspects of normal life can take a dangerous turn with the presence of Brum. Pascoe tries to train the tabby, restrain the tabby and even researches the stories of other danger cats in a bid to keep Brum alive a bit longer. And amazingly, despite the efforts of his exuberant two-year-old with a plastic mallet, he still is.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
Ah, the single life. The blind dates, the guiltless sleeping in the starfish position, the 'table for one in a…
draught, please'. In his hilarious new book, Jeff Green offers practical advice on how to find love, or failing that how to pretend you've got a significant other half. For women: Leave the fridge door open for no reason. For men: Wash your towels. And if you've just been dumped, Jeff shows how you can reach 'closure', otherwise known as uncompromising REVENGE. Also includes:** Great chat-up lines for the older lover: 'Did you break a hip when you fell from heaven?' ** Beauty tips for dates: How to look twenty years younger? Stand further away ** Things not to say on a first date: Would you like to see my shrine to the others? ** And at last, the truth about what women really want*If you're in a couple, this book will remind you why your own situation is - just about - worth tolerating. And if you're happily single, follow Jeff's advice and you're guaranteed to stay that way... * everything
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Humour
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The letters page of Old Git magazine continues to offer its readers an opportunity to ask and provide answers to…
the most pressing questions of our times. Questions such as:Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open?What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls?Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
Get to know 'Not-so Great Britain' in this crackingly acerbic collection of insulting and downright offensive quotations about cities, towns…
and other locations in the British Isles.Towns, cities, counties and constituent countries all come in for a lambasting in this bad-tempered and thoroughly entertaining journey round the British Isles (or, as the Irish insist on calling them, the Hibernian Archipelago), from the nauseatingly Nordic Shetlands to the suspiciously Froggy Channel Islands, from 'the arse end of the world' (Wigan) to the 'heaving Sodom of the south coast' (Brighton).And it's not just the places that come in for a hammering - the people too are mocked and reviled, from the imbecilic, dimwitted folk of County Kerry to the inbred, turkey-fancying natives of Norfolk, from the tight-fistedness of the inhabitants of Aberdeen to the light-fingeredness and incessant whinings of the Scouser.And - unlike Boris Johnson of The Spectator - Mr Plinth will not be saying 'Oops. Sorry!'
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Actors biography, Humour
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THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLERThe definitive autobiography from the nation's best-loved broadcaster.Written in the style familiar to his millions of listeners,…
rich with warmth and irony, Mustn't Grumble is Terry's definitive autobiography. Not only does he introduce the reader to his life in Ireland, his chain-smoking maiden aunts, his quick-witted mother and hard-working father and the (not so) Christian Fathers who tried to knock his hands off, he explains how he managed to avoid a hard day's work from childhood to knighthood, and entertained a few million people along the way. Terry talks in full about his past 35 years with the BBC: his hugely popular Radio 2 show, his TV shows Wogan (Now & Then and Blankety Blank, the Eurovision Song Contest, working on the BBC's Children in Need programmes, and where he learnt to breakdance so brilliantly. Mustn't Grumble is fresh, honest and a must-read for any fan of this extraordinary TV and Radio figure.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
Diaries celebrating a dog's joy at owning a human, by the most famous dog in Britain.Buster has written these diaries…
himself - whenever he could remember where he hid the manuscript in his garden. In it he lays bear the truth of how The Man has held Buster back, pretending to protect fur and feathers. Buster's last book was an instant bestseller and, outrageously, The Man took all the credit. To add insult to injury, there were no extra biscuits. Worse, The Man forced Buster to eat low-fat ones, while he himself continued to eat lots of chocolate ginger nuts.Despite The Man's best efforts, Buster still gets into lots of scrapes, and, although his sight and hearing are failing somewhat, he still wants to 'go courting' - especially in springtime. Buster remains unaware of what happened that day at the vet's, and no one will explain it to him, but they continue to allude to something. On a visit to Ireland a gentleman tapped his nose and said to The Man, 'You can't fool me. I've worked it out. You wrote the book.' Buster was so upset by this vile calumny that he wanted to give the gentleman a good nip. Then he remembered the words of someone called Robert Kennedy who The Man goes on about: 'Don't get angry. Get even.' And he has. And this time it's personal.As Buster says, 'No more Mr Nice Dog.'
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Humour, Reference, European travel and geography
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
From the bestselling author of "Hamlyn's Top 10 of Everything" series comes a special collection of 250 unique lists that…
observe of the idiosyncrasies of our Isles and encompass everything British. Discover hundreds of essential, intriguing and bizarre facts about your country's most iconic subjects, including: the 10 most produced plays by Shakespeare; 10 defunct British national holidays; the 10 longest seaside piers; the 10 lowest-scoring UK Eurovision entries; the 10 latest winners of the World Conker Championships; the 10 first performed Gilbert & Sullivan operas; the Top 10 singles of all time banned by the BBC; 10 unusual British laws; the Top 10 Tesco's lines; the 10 latest winners of the Pub of the Year award ...plus 240 other fascinating lists in this at-a-glance guide to what makes Britain great.
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Journals and memoirs, Humour, Arts and entertainment
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
Hello, I am Mike Birbiglia and I want you to read my book. Too on the nose? Sorry. Let me…
dial it back. I'm Mike Birbiglia and I'm a comedian. You may know me from Comedy Central or This American Life or The Bob & Tom Show, but you've never seen me like this before. Naked. Wait, that's the name of another book. Also I'm not naked as there are no pictures in my book. Also, if there were naked pictures of me, you definitely wouldn't buy it, though you might sneak a copy into the back corner of the bookstore and show it to your friend and laugh. Okay, let's get off the naked stuff. This is my first book. It's difficult to describe. It's a comedic memoir, but I'm only 32 years old so I'd hate for you to think I'm "wrapping it up," so to speak. But I tell some personal stories. Some REALLY personal stories. Stories that I considered not publishing time and time again, especially when my father said, "Michael, you might want to stay away from the personal stuff." I said, "Dad, just read the dedication." (Which I'm telling you to do too.) Some of the stories are about my childhood, some are about girls I made out with when I was thirteen, some are about my parents, and some are, of course, about my bouts with sleepwalking. Bring this book to bed. And sleepwalk with me.
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Actors biography, Journals and memoirs, Biography, Women biography, Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
The number-one Sunday Times bestseller'Walters's book - also well written - has moments of Alan Bennett warmth' SUNDAY TIMES'This is…
a humorous and, at times, moving read from this much-loved actress' WOMAN AND HOME'I was enthralled by her memoirs ... a celebrity memoir which is actually worth reading as a work of literature' AN Wilson, READER'S DIGESTHer mum wanted her to be a nurse so that is what Julie did.But in her heart she had always wanted to be an actress and soon she was on stage at the local theatre in Liverpool. Her career snowballed with highlights that include Educating Rita, Billy Elliot, Harry Potter, Acorn Antiques, Dinner Ladies and Mamma Mia! She has been nominated for two Oscars, been awarded multiple BAFTAs and a Golden Globe, plus been honoured with a DBE. This is the heart-warming and funny story of that journey.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
In the long history of mankind's relationship with felines, one cat stands head and shoulders below the rest. Highly inflammable,…
the glass-jawed Birmingham lurches from one catastrophe to the next. Through encounters with washing machine spin cycles to his lovelorn pursuit of the aggressively uninterested Sammy, Chris Pascoe's hilarious book paints an intimate portrait of the author's calamitous relationship with a cat wholly unsuited to being feline. Persistently molested by an irate sparrow, physically incapable of negotiating the intricacies of the cat-flap and with a near-fatal appreciation of the effects of gravity, Brum nevertheless remains steadfast in his subconscious pursuit of oblivion. Worryingly, these stories are true. Will nine lives be enough?
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
'Completely brilliant' Ian HislopIt seemed a simple enough idea at the outset: to assemble a team of eleven men to…
play cricket on each of the seven continents of the globe. Except - hold on a minute - that's not a simple idea at all. And when you throw in incompetent airline officials, amorous Argentine Colonels' wives, cunning Bajan drug dealers, gay Australian waiters, overzealous American anti-terrorist police, idiot Welshmen dressed as Santa Claus, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and whole armies of pitch-invading Antarctic penguins, you quickly arrive at a whole lot more than you bargained for. Harry Thompson's hilarious book tells the story of one of those great idiotic enterprises that only an Englishman could have dreamed up, and only a bunch of Englishmen could possibly have wished to carry out.
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
I stopped off at the Peace Gardens - a memorial straddling the US-Canadian border commemorating 'Lasting Peace Between America and…
Canada', as if there had ever been a problem. Show me a garden commemorating Peace Between America and, say, Iraq and I'll be impressed. America is like a beauty contestant. It's gorgeous, until it opens its mouth.'From the similarities between US gun laws and British drinking hours, to what cryptic crosswords really tell us about the British psyche, American in London Rich Hall casts a keen eye on the lunatic contradictions and weird marvels of his native and adoptive homelands.'Full of acute left-field reflections on America and Americans, plus some marvellously irreverent sketches ...wise, witty and strangely true' GUARDIAN
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Humour
Synthetic audio, Automated braille
Peter Alliss has been entertaining huge TV audiences for the BBC and ABC in America for many years. In this…
new anecdotal but thoroughly practical book, Peter Alliss sets out to promote golf as the answer to middle-aged discontentment.Peter Alliss has no difficulty giving compelling reasons as to why golf is the perfect game for adults - breathtaking scenery, fresh air, camaraderie and instant therapy. The author describes how to go about taking up the game, what equipment is necessary to buy and who to contact for lessons. With the aid of line drawings, he describes the basic techniques of golf, how to maintain a consistent swing and how to build up self-confidence. GOLF - THE CURE FOR A GRUMPY OLD MAN is aimed at regular golfers whose skills have deteriorated and would-be golfers who need the guidance as to which path to follow. Alliss's humorous but always helpful book will confirm the great game as a really accessible and hugely enjoyable pastime to pursue for both men and women.