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By Mary Scifres, David L. Bone. 2024
A weekly worship planning book for United Methodist pastors and musicians – Refreshed!New with the 2024-2025 edition! The Music &…
Worship Planner includes both the CEB and NRSVue translations in one planner, along with added space for notes.An all-in-one resource that helps both the music director and pastor plan the worship services for each Sunday and holy day of the year, The United Methodist Music and Worship Planner 2024-2025 is lectionary-based and places at your fingertips:- Weekly pages in a spiral-bound format that help you plan the entire worship year from September through August.- Eight or more suggested hymns for each service keyed to United Methodist worship resources: The United Methodist Hymnal, The Faith We Sing, Worship & Song, The United Methodist Book of Worship, and The Africana Hymnal.- Complete lectionary text of the Old Testament, Psalm, Epistle, and Gospel readings using the Common English Bible translation.- Reproducible worship planning forms.- Resources for holidays and special days.- Suggestions for prayers, solos, anthems, visuals, and much more.In addition, you will find more:- Emphasis on Methodist/Wesleyan theology, worship practices, and historical roots- Consistent Worship elements- Content for contemporary worship services- More innovative worship elementsBy Jena Friedman. 2023
NATIONAL BESTSELLER &“In fact very funny.&” —Cosmopolitan &“[A] hilarious and much-needed book.&” —Samantha Bee, Emmy Award–winning comedian, author, and host…
of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee For fans of the perceptive comedy of Hannah Gadsby, Lindy West, and Sarah Silverman, Academy Award–nominated and acclaimed stand-up comedian Jena Friedman presents a witty and insightful collection of essays on the cultural flashpoints of today.Growing up, Jena Friedman didn&’t care about being likable. And she never wanted to be a comedian, either. A child of the 90s, she wouldn&’t discover her knack for the funny business until research for her college thesis led her to take an improv class in Chicago. That anthropology paper, written on race, class, and gender in the city&’s comedy scene, was, in Jena&’s own words, &“just as funny as it sounds.&” But it did lay the groundwork for a career that has seen her write and produce for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, the Late Show with David Letterman, and the Oscar nominated Borat Subsequent Moviefilm. Friedman&’s debut collection, Not Funny, takes on the third rails of modern life in Jena&’s bold and subversive style, with essays that explore cancel culture, sexism, work, celebrity worship, and…dead baby jokes. In a moment where women&’s rights are being rolled back, fascism is on the rise, and so many of us could use a breather as we struggle to get by, Jena applies her unique gifts to pull a laugh from things deemed too raw, too precious, and too scary to joke about. She shares her stories of taking on those who told her she was too brash, too edgy, and too &“unlikable&” to make it. She deftly dissects how we get coerced into silence on the issues that matter most, until they&’ve gone too far afield to be turned back around again. And she shares her struggles to make it (-ish) in a world that, more often than not, would rather tune out than listen to a woman confronting the indignities we&’ve been told to bear.By Erik Slader, Ben Thompson. 2019
From heroic George Washington to the dastardly Richard Nixon, the oval office has been occupied by larger-than-life personalities since 1789.…
The position comes with enormous power and responsibility, and every American president thus far has managed to achieve great things. However, the President of the United States is only human—and oftentimes far from perfect. While some men suffered through only minor mishaps during their time in office, others are famously remembered for leaving behind much bigger messes.In the third installment of the Epic Fails series, authors Erik Slader and Ben Thompson, and artist Tim Foley, take readers on another hilarious ride, exploring the lives, legacies, and failures of some of America’s commanders in chief.By Frederick Crews. 2001
A sequel of sorts to the classic (and bestselling) sendup of literary criticism, The Pooh PerplexThirty-seven years ago, a slim…
parody of academic literary criticism called The Pooh Perplex became a surprise bestseller. Now Frederick Crews has written a hilarious new satire in the same vein. Purporting to be the proceedings of a forum on Pooh convened at the Modern Language Association's annual convention, Postmodern Pooh brilliantly parodies the academic fads and figures that hold sway at the millennium.Deconstruction, poststructuralist Marxism, new historicism, radical feminism, cultural studies, recovered-memory theory, and postcolonialism, among other methods, take their shots at the poor teddy bear and Crews takes his shots at them. The fun lies in seeing just how much adulteration Pooh can stand.The Jokiest Joking Joke Book Ever Written . . . No Joke! is the biggest, funniest, laugh-out-loudest joke book on…
the planet! Crack open this book to have everyone you know in stitches. Be ready for anything with jokes, puns, and riddles from a range of categories: celebrities, gadgets, video games, the classroom, zombies, and a bunch more! Complete with tons of awesome illustrations!- 2,001 unbeatable modern jokes- 400 showstopping illustrations- Have your friends rolling on the ground in no time!- Knock-knock jokes, puns, riddles, one-liners, and more!The hilarious one-liners, wisecracks, and gags will keep the shenanigans going for you, your friends, and anyone with a funny bone. With more than 2,000 kid-friendly side-splitters--from knock-knock jokes, to riddles and puns, to some of the silliest gut-busters ever--this book is more than a gigantic collection of wisecracks, it's a must-have for any jokester!By Dan Marshall. 2015
An Entertainment Weekly Best Book of the Year, 2015For the Marshalls, laughter is the best medicine. Especially when combined with…
alcohol, pain pills, excessive cursing, sexual escapades, actual medicine, and more alcohol.Meet Dan Marshall. 25, good job, great girlfriend, and living the dream life in sunny Los Angeles without a care in the world. Until his mother calls. And he ignores it, as you usually do when Mom calls. Then she calls again. And again. Dan thought things were going great at home. But it turns out his mom's cancer, which she had battled throughout his childhood with tenacity and a mouth foul enough to make a sailor blush, is back. And to add insult to injury, his loving father has been diagnosed with ALS. Sayonara L.A., Dan is headed home to Salt Lake City, Utah.Never has there been a more reluctant family reunion: His older sister is resentful, having stayed closer to home to bear the brunt of their mother's illness. His younger brother comes to lend a hand, giving up a journalism career and evenings cruising Chicago gay bars. His next younger sister, a sullen teenager, is a rebel with a cause. And his baby sister - through it all - can only think about her beloved dance troop. Dan returns to shouting matches at the dinner table, old flames knocking at the door, and a speech device programmed to help his father communicate that is as crude as the rest of them. But they put their petty differences aside and form Team Terminal, battling their parents' illnesses as best they can, when not otherwise distracted by the chaos that follows them wherever they go. Not even the family cats escape unscathed.As Dan steps into his role as caregiver, wheelchair wrangler, and sibling referee, he watches pieces of his previous life slip away, and comes to realize that the further you stretch the ties that bind, the tighter they hold you together.By Florence King. 1990
Lump It or Leave It, Florence King's latest volume of rapier-edged contemplations on American tomfoolery--er, values--takes on everything from the…
hazards of fame to the joys of menopause, with all of the bile and brio that has made her the nation's most beloved misanthrope. From college professors ("incapable of earning a living with either their minds or their hands") to the South ("if at first you don't secede, try, try, again") to the U.S. government ("the crude leading the crud"), few fools remain unskewered by the reigning Queen of Spleen.By Ian Urbina. 2005
What can you do when the world is pushing you over the edge? More than you think.For some of us,…
it's the automated voice that answers the phone when we'd rather talk to a real person. For others, it's the fact that Starbucks insists on calling its smallest-sized coffee "tall." Or perhaps it's those pesky subscription cards that fall out of magazines. Whatever it is, each of us finds some aspect of everyday life to be particularly maddening, and we often long to lash out at these stubborn irritants of modern life. In Life's Little Annoyances, Ian Urbina chronicles the lengths to which some people will go when they have endured their pet peeves long enough and are not going to take it any more. It is a compendium of human inventiveness, by turns juvenile and petty, but in other ways inspired and deeply satisfying. We meet the junk-mail recipient who sends back unwanted "business reply" envelopes weighted down with sheet metal, so the mailers will have to pay the postage. We commiserate with the woman who was fed up with the colleague who kept helping himself to her lunch cookies, so she replaced them with dog biscuits that looked like biscotti. And we revel in the seemingly endless number of tactics people use to vent their anger at telemarketers, loud cellphone talkers, spammers, and others who impose themselves on us.A celebration of the endless variety of passive aggressive behavior, Life's Little Annoyances will provide comfort and inspiration to everyone who has ever gritted his teeth and dreamed of sweet retribution against the slings and arrows of outrageous people.By Reed Tucker, Andy Bagwell. 2012
In the ranks of NCAA college basketball, Duke University is like something scraped off the bottom of a shoe. It's…
like a nasty virus you catch from a door handle at a public toilet.No team in sports is as uniquely hated as those smug, entitled, floor-slapping, fist-pumping, insufferable Blue Devils. The loathing has almost reached the level of a religion. Christian Laettner is a punk. Amen. The Cameron Crazies are obnoxious. The Plumlees are worthless times three. Coach K is a jerk. Kumbaya. The team is dogged by an intense hatred that no other team can match—and for good reason. Millions of hoops fans and March Madness aficionados around the world are not imagining things. Duke really is evil, and within the pages of Duke Sucks, Reed Tucker and Andy Bagwell show readers exactly why Duke deserves to be so detested. They bruise and batter the Blue Devils with fact after fact, story after story, statistic after statistic. They build an airtight case that could stand up in a court of law. So sit back in your "I Hate Duke" t-shirt, and in true Duke fashion, force someone poorer than you to do your work as you crack open the ultimate guide to Duke suckitude.Did you know that the number of atoms in a cookie is about the same number of stars in the…
universe? Geoff Engelstein tackles the big questions of the universe and how it works using the sweet and simple chocolate cookie as guide. By exploring what goes into the cookie—the ingredients and the steps—we learn about how everything works, from the tiny world of subatomic particles to galactic clusters. Topics include: The Big Bang Explained with Chocolate ChipsQuantum Mechanics Explained with Milk and CookiesChaos Explained with VanillaAnd more!Filled with fascinating facts and laugh-out-loud moments, it's a richly visual and deeply fascinating scientific exploration of the world. And cookies.Have some fun with your native tongue!In The Cunning Linguist, renowned language expert Richard Lederer shows us the naughtier side…
of wordplay, revealing hundreds of hilarious, ingenious, unabashed, and adults-only puns, jokes, limericks, one-liners, and other adventures in sexual humor. This book of "good, clean dirty fun" will delight word hounds, punsters, bachelor-party goers, and anyone who likes a clever grown-up joke.Here's a taste of The Cunning Linguist:Q: What does a man have in his pants that you can also find on a pool table?A: Pockets.Have you heard about the incompatible couple?He had no income, and she wasn't pattable.The four stages of a couple's sex life:Under 35: Tri-weekly35-45: Try weekly45-55: Try weakly55 and over: Try, try, try.For much more, sneak between the covers of this unique and laugh-out-loud book.By Kristin Henson. 2013
A book of truly obscene and offensive insults, sex terms, and pop culture phrases translated into American Sign Language-from the…
YouTube sensation with more than 2 million views and countingHave you ever been in a noisy bar and wanted to insult or pick up someone? Now you can say:- Douche canoe- Cum dumpster- I lost my virginity, can I have yours?- There's a party in my pants, and you're invited- Do you spit or swallow?- Does the carpet match the curtains?- Gargle my balls- Was that a queef?- You cum-guzzling ass-pirate!- Sperm burper- Let's play leap-frog naked!There are plenty of books and Websites that teach you basic sign language phrases like "Hello," "I love you," and some even cross the line into crass with "fuck you," "asshole," or "bite me," but Super Smutty Sign Language is the only book that delivers truly obscene and offensive insults, sex terms, and pop culture phrases including "Suck a bag of dicks," "Bitch, please!" "You motorboating son of a bitch!" and "Blumpkin". Kristin Henson, creator of the YouTube channel Dirty Signs with Kristin, presents over 200 dirty, vulgar, foul, and disgusting words and phrases guaranteed to make you blush.By Jessica Fellowes. 2015
This wonderful collection of quotes and photographs from the Emmy Award-winning television phenomenon--now a feature film--is a perfect gift for…
Downton Abbey fans."Come war and peace Downton still stands and the Crawleys are still in it."Downton Abbey is loved the world over for its fabulous costumes, beautiful scenery, wonderful characters and intricate plot lines, but what keeps millions of us coming back time after time is the stellar quality of the writing. With each stroke of his pen Julian Fellowes seems to gift us with a cuttingly dry quip from the Dowager Countess, a perfectly timed word of wisdom from Mrs Patmore or a touchingly nostalgic pronouncement from Carson.Here in The Wit and Wisdom of Downton Abbey, Jessica Fellowes has gathered together her favorite quotes from the complete Downton Abbey oeuvre to take each of us back to the most memorable moments from the show and ensure we are armed with the very best ripostes should we ever need to chastise an impertinent lady's maid.By Rebecca Donnelly. 2024
In this high-interest full-color graphic novel chapter book, embark on an engineering extravaganza and discover all that animals can do…
in a science competition!7 fierce animal competitors2 shark judges1 winnerWho will come out on top?Survival of the Fittest: the game show where animal contestants pitch the latest and greatest in scientific innovation to a panel of shark judges! Animals of all sizes and skills compete to see who can come up with the most useful, most creative, most brilliant design for a product based on something that exists in the natural world. Today's theme is: engineering.Filled with interesting information, awesome visuals, and funny dialogue, this new series by nonfiction maven Rebecca Donnelly is Shark Tank made literal. Swim along - and try not to get chomped by the Chomp! Buzzer.NOW A NEW YORK TIMES AND A USA TODAY BESTSELLER"Everyone who claims to be 'Christian' or else claims to be…
upset by 'Christianity' needs to read this book, especially politicians using people's supposed faith for their own ends." —Margaret E. Atwood"Jim Wallis calls the nation to grow up and he calls us all to fight the love battle to save the soul of America." —From the Foreword by Eddie S. Glaude, Jr. A major new work by the New York Times bestselling author, arguing that the answer to bad religion is true faith that will help refound democracy It is time says Jim Wallis, to call out genuine faith—specifically the “Christian” in White Christian Nationalism—inviting all who can be persuaded to reject and help dismantle a false gospel that propagates white supremacy and autocracy. We need–to raise up the faith of all of us, and help those who are oblivious, stuck, and captive to the ideology and idolatry of White Christian Nationalism that is leading us to such great danger. Wallis turns our attention to six iconic texts at the heart of what genuine biblical faith means and what Jesus, in the gospels, has called us to do. It is time to ask anew: do we believe these teachings or not?This book isn’t only for Christians but for all faith traditions, and even those with no faith at all. When we see a civic promotion of fear, hate, and violence for the trajectory of our politics, we need a civic faith of love, healing, and hope to defeat it. And that must involve all of us–religious or not. Learning to practice a politics of neighbor love will be central to the future of democracy in America. And more than ever, the words of Jesus ring, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”By Martha Greenwald. 2023
Who We Lost is the first book that directly acknowledges the free-floating grief of the COVID-bereaved, affirms that it must…
be addressed, and offers a purposeful activity that respects mourners as well as the mourned.  In 2020,By John Sugden. 1997
If Sitting Bull is the most famous Indian, Tecumseh is the most revered. Although Tecumseh literature exceeds that devoted to…
any other Native American, this is the first reliable biography--thirty years in the making--of the shadowy figure who created a loose confederacy of diverse Indian tribes that exted from the Ohio territory northeast to New York, south into the Florida peninsula, westward to Nebraska, and north into Canada.A warrior as well as a diplomat, the great Shawnee chief was a man of passionate ambitions. Spurred by commitment and served by a formidable battery of personal qualities that made him the principal organizer and the driving force of confederacy, Tecumseh kept the embers of resistence alive against a federal government that talked cooperation but practiced genocide following the Revolutionary War.Tecumseh does not stand for one tribe or nation, but for all Native Americans. Despite his failed attempt at solidarity, he remains the ultimate symbol of eavor and courage, unity and fraternity.By Ed Broth. 2004
"Sorry, there's no way we can use this."- Plumpers Magazine"As a word of advice, it always helps for writers to…
be familiar with the publications they submit material to."- Fencers Quarterly MagazineEd writes short stories. He's prolific. And desperate to get published. But he sends his stories to the wrong magazines. As for the magazines? Well, they don't mind telling him so:"Dear Ed: I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry...""Dear Ed: Thank you for your recent submission to Steamboat Magazine; it was wonderful to hear how much our magazine has touched you...""Dear Ed: We do not publish stories about individuals like Conugal Cal, or about underwear-no matter how often references are made to fencing.""Dear Mr. Broth: Thank you for providing the editors with an opportunity to review your manuscript, 'Luau Lester'...""Dear Mr. Broth: Thank you for the opportunity to review your article, 'My Car Ride with Daddy,' for possible publication in Mushing..."With this book, Ed Broth finally sees his work published. His "Stories of Hope & Inspiration" and his "Stories of Meaning & Sacrament" plus his passionate pitches to place his writing in our nation's premier publications-from Pest Control Magazine to Arthritis Today-are all to be found in the book you hold in your hands.Some might have advised Ed not to send his story "I Love Dogs" to I Love Cats Magazine or to stop submitting revised stories to editors who have already turned them down. But, well, that's just not the way Ed's mind works. Studded like a rich cranberry strudel with nuggets of genius -from cartoons and advertisements to actual newspaper articles from across the country - Stories From a Moron is an addictive journey into the mind of a great talent.By Patrick F. McManus. 1994
Patrick McManus, the bestselling author of such hilarious books as A Fine and Pleasant Misery and Never Sniff a Gift…
Fish, now offers readers solid thoughts on the qualities that define leadership, beginning with the need to be tall, and much more, in this outrageous collection of short pieces that reveals his tortuous trip along the writer's path.By Joel M. Hoffman. 2014
The Bible you usually read is not the complete story. Some holy writings were left out for political or theological…
reasons, others simply because of the physical restrictions of ancient bookmaking technology. At times, the compilers of the Bible skipped information that they assumed everyone knew. Some passages were even omitted by accident.In The Bible's Cutting Room Floor, acclaimed author and translator Dr. Joel M. Hoffman gives us the stories and other texts that didn't make it into the Bible even though they offer penetrating insight into the Bible and its teachings.The Book of Genesis tells us about Adam and Eve's time in the Garden of Eden, but not their saga after they get kicked out or the lessons they have for us about good and evil. The Bible introduces us to Abraham, but it doesn't include the troubling story of his early life, which explains how he came to reject idolatry to become the father of monotheism. And while there are only 150 Psalms in today's Bible, there used to be many more.Dr. Hoffman deftly brings these and other ancient scriptural texts to life, exploring how they offer new answers to some of the most fundamental and universal questions people ask about their lives. An impressive blend of history, linguistics, and religious scholarship, The Bible's Cutting Room Floor reveals what's missing from your Bible, who left it out, and why it is so important.