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World's Worst Jokes
By Tony Husband. 2006
Most joke books at least attempt to make you laugh. A chuckle, a giggle, even an outright guffaw. Something you…
can repeat to your friends and be guaranteed to raise a smile. That's what a joke book is for. Right? Well, not this one.This is a collection of the world's most cringe-worthy jokes told by Tony Husband, proud contender for the title of world's worst joke-teller. Jokes so awful they will make you wince, groan and bang your head in disbelief. And should you tell them to your friends, they won't be your friends much longer. Dip in, and prepare not to be amused.The World's Scariest Jokebook
By John Byrne. 2001
A hilarious collection of jokes about all things spooky and scary; including witches, ghosts, vampires, werewolves and other horrible creatures.…
Hundreds of original jokes and cartoons, as well as fun features and mad ads, all given the distinctive John Byrne treatment.The Wonderful World of Ladybird Books for Grown-Ups (Ladybirds for Grown-Ups)
By Jason Hazeley, Joel Morris. 2018
'After the success of their ingenious idea of matching pictures from Ladybird's archive with prose that mocks the mores of…
modern life, they are bowing out with a bang with this compendium' - Sunday TelegraphFrom the people who gave you classics such as The Ladybird Book of The Hangover and The Ladybird Book of The Mid-Life Crisis, they bring you this collection of what could have been. Imagine a world where there aren't just the thirty-two Ladybird Books for Grown-Ups you've seen in your local bookshop or downstairs toilet but hundreds and hundreds more...In this coffee-table book you don't have to, with never before seen covers, excerpts and paraphernalia from the archives, colourfully presented and helpfully divided into the following chapters:- Fun & Games- Adventure - The World Around Us- At Work- At Home- Coping - Not Coping- Giving Up'I do not hasten to say that these books are the new Da Vinci Code.' Aisling Bea'These books are small masterpieces. They make me glad I learned to read.' David Quantick'HILARIOUS. Beserkly brilliant.' Mel GiedroycJeremy Clarkson, shares his opinions on just about everything in The World According to Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson has seen rather…
more of the world than most. He has, as they say, been around a bit. And as a result, he's got one or two things to tell us about how it all works - and being Jeremy Clarkson he's not about to voice them quietly, humbly and without great dollops of humour. In The World According to Clarkson, he reveals why it is that:• Too much science is bad for our health• '70s rock music is nothing to be ashamed of• Hunting foxes while drunk and wearing night-sights is neither big nor clever• We must work harder to get rid of cricket• He liked the Germans (well, sometimes)With a strong dose of common sense that is rarely, if ever, found inside the M25, Clarkson hilariously attacks the pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd and the downright idiotic, whilst also celebrating the eccentric, the clever and the sheer bloody brilliant. Less a manifesto for living and more a road map to modern life, The World According to Clarkson is the funniest book you'll read this year. Don't leave home without it.The World According to Clarkson is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the first in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes And Another Thing . . . , For Crying Out Loud! and How Hard Can It Be?Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time OutNumber-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Carscan be downloaded on the App Store.The Wonder of Whiffling: And Other Extraordinary Words In The English Language
By Adam Jacot de Boinod. 2009
The Wonder of Whiffling is a hugely enjoyable, surprising and rewarding tour of English around the globe (with fine coinages…
from our English-speaking cousins across the pond, Down Under and elsewhere).Discover all sorts of words you've always wished existed but never knew, such as fornale, to spend one's money before it has been earned; cagg, a solemn vow or resolution not to get drunk for a certain time; and petrichor, the pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a dry spell. Delving passionately into the English language, Adam Jacot de Boinod also discovers why it is you wouldn't want to have dinner with a vice admiral of the narrow seas, why Jacobites toasted the little gentleman in black velvet, and why a Nottingham Goodnight is better than one from anywhere else.If there's one thing that everyone has an opinion about it's how to bring up a child - especially your…
child. Kate Konopicky found herself an embattled mother, knowing that however hard she worked everything was wrong. If she went back to full-time employment she was neglecting her child. If she stayed at home the child would be clingy and shy. So, she became a combination of teacher, nurse, nutritionist, psychologist, entertainer and mind reader. She didn't get weekends off and never phoned in sick when she wanted a lie-in. The boss was illogical, demanding, incapable of undertaking the simplest task. Yes, we've all had jobs like that but at least we got paid for them. Kate Konopicky is an anarchic voice in the face of regimented parenting books. With brilliant humour, she'll make you believe you're not a failure when your fairy cakes don't rise, and you'll slowly come to realise that you may not be perfect but that you are doing your best.'A wildly irreverent look at the parenting game. This riotous look back over her first five years of motherhood will come as a relief to imperfect parents everywhere - in other words, to all parents.' You MagazineNational Geographic Kids Just Joking Lol (Nat Geo - Just Joking Ser.)
By National Geographic Kids. 2017
Get ready to LOL! This collectible little book is packed with 300 silly kid-friendly jokes paired with photos of laughing…
animals and funny people. It's a hilarious party starter or "quiet-time" entertainer, perfect to read alone or aloud with friends and family. It's also a great book to toss into a backpack to share at school or camp.You Need More Sleep: Advice from Cats
By Francesco Marciuliano. 2015
Our feline friends have spent eons observing, napping, pondering, napping, and taking notes about the human condition. In between naps,…
they've realized that we humans could use some catlike guidance when it comes to handling the ups and downs of life. In this book they've condescended to share their invaluable wisdom in short advice columns such as "Always Stay at Least 30 Feet from a Loved One" and "Never Let Anyone Dress You." Whether it's coping with romance, surviving a social gathering, or clawing your way to the top of the corporate ladder only to realize you can't get down, the cats in this ebook will have you relaxed and ready to take on the world! Just after one more nap.The Wit and Wisdom of Test Match Special
By Dan Waddell. 2015
‘He played that so late, it was almost posthumous.’ (John Arlott)For over fifty years, Test Match Special has provided the…
soundtrack to many cricket fans’ lives – now this book collects its greatest hits. Here are all the witty sayings, bons mots, doubles entendres, wise words and priceless moments from the whole TMS team past and present, and of course their many and varied celebrity guests. Whether it’s classic Test moments or hilarious asides from the boundary, you’ll find the perfect line for every occasion. Collecting over half a century of quips and quotes, and beautifully illustrated throughout, The Wit and Wisdom of Test Match Special is a cricket fan’s indispensable guide to bats, bowls, beards and bakes.American Cheese: An Indulgent Odyssey Through the Artisan Cheese World
By Joe Berkowitz. 2020
From the author of Away with Words, a deeply hilarious and unexpectedly insightful deep-dive into a cultural and culinary phenomenon: cheese.“Who…
knew it was possible to enjoy reading about cheese as much as eating it? Remarkably entertaining, deeply insightful, and downright hilarious, American Cheese goes far beyond the plastic yellow slices we all know, and some love, revealing a community as quirky, passionate, and creative as the cheese they put into the world.” — Jim Gaffigan, comedian/actor and New York Times bestselling author of Food: A Love StoryJoe Berkowitz loves cheese. Or at least he thought he did. After stumbling upon an artisinal tasting at an upscale cheese shop one Valentine’s Day, he realized he’d hardly even scratched the surface. These cheeses were like nothing he had ever tasted—a visceral drug-punch that reverberated deliciousness—and they were from America. He felt like he was being let in a great cosmic secret, and instantly he was in love.This discovery inspired Joe to embark on the cheese adventure of a lifetime, spending a year exploring the subculture around cheese, from its trenches to its command centers. He dove headfirst into the world of artisan cheese; of premiere makers and mongers, cave-dwelling affineurs, dairy scientists, and restauranteurs. The journey would take him around the world, from the underground cheese caves in Paris to the mountains of Gruyere, leaving no curd unturned, all the while cultivating an appreciation for cheese and its place in society.Joe’s journey from amateur to aficionado eventually comes to mirror the rise of American cheese on the world stage. As he embeds with Team USA at an international mongering competition and makes cheese in the experimental vats at the Dairy Research Center in Wisconsin, one of the makers he meets along the way gears up to make America’s biggest splash ever at the World Cheese Awards. Through this odyssey of cheese, an unexpected culture of passionate cheesemakers is revealed, along with the extraordinary impact of one delicious dairy product.Slow Getting Up: A Story of NFL Survival from the Bottom of the Pile
By Nate Jackson. 2014
One man's odyssey into the brutal hive of the National Football LeagueAs an unsigned free agent who rose through the…
practice squad to the starting lineup of the Denver Broncos, Nate Jackson took the path of thousands of unknowns before him to carve out a professional football career twice as long as the average player. Through his story recounted here—from scouting combines to preseason cuts to byzantine film studies to glorious touchdown catches—even knowledgeable football fans will glean a new, starkly humanized understanding of the NFL's workweek. Fast-paced, lyrical, dirty, and hilariously unvarnished, Slow Getting Up is an unforgettable look at the real lives of America's best athletes putting their bodies and minds through hell.Word Perfect: Etymological Entertainment For Every Day of the Year
By Susie Dent. 2020
'Susie Dent is a one-off. She breathes life and fun into words and language' Pam Ayres'Susie Dent is a national…
treasure' Richard OsmanWelcome to a year of wonder with Susie Dent, lexicographer, logophile, and longtime queen of Countdown's Dictionary Corner.From the real Jack the Lad to the theatrically literal story behind stealing someone's thunder, from tartle (forgetting someone's name at the very moment you need it) to snaccident (the unintentional eating of an entire packet of biscuits), WORD PERFECT is a brilliant linguistic almanac full of unforgettable stories, fascinating facts, and surprising etymologies tied to every day of the year. You'll never be lost for words again.Turn Around Bright Eyes: The Rituals of Love & Karaoke
By Rob Sheffield. 2013
Once upon a time I was falling apart. Now I'm always falling in love.Pick up the microphone.When Rob Sheffield moved…
to New York City in the summer of 2001, he was a young widower trying to start a new life in a new town. Behind, in the past, was his life as a happily married rock critic, with a wife he adored, and a massive collection of mix tapes that captured their life together. And then, in a flash, all he had left were the tapes.Beyoncé , Bowie, Bon Jovi, Benatar . . .One night, some friends dragged him to a karaoke bar in the West Village. A night out was a rare occasion for Rob back then.Turn aroundSomehow, that night in a karaoke bar turned into many nights, in many karaoke bars. Karaoke became a way out, a way to escape the past, a way to be someone else if only for the span of a three-minute song. Discovering the sublime ridiculousness of karaoke, despite the fact that he couldn't carry a tune, he began to find his voice.Turn aroundAnd then the unexpected happened. A voice on the radio got Rob's attention. The voice came attached to a woman who was unlike anyone he'd ever met before. A woman who could name every constellation in the sky, and every Depeche Mode B side. A woman who could belt out a mean Bonnie Tyler.Bright EyesTurn Around Bright Eyes is an emotional journey of hilarity and heartbreak with a karaoke soundtrack. It's a story about finding the courage to move on, clearing your throat, and letting it rip. It's a story about navi- gating your way through adult romance. And it's a story about how songs get tangled up in our deepest emotions, evoking memories of the past while inspiring hope for the future.Top Tips for Life
By David Harris. 2014
Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. But if it did, and if that manual was cobbled together in five…
minutes by a drunken idiot-genius, then it might look something like these crowd-sourced tips and ill-thought-out ideas. Covering everything from how best to turn your cat into a fearsome stegosaurus to pre-empting jellyfish stings, this book presents the wealth of knowledge gleaned from the dusty vaults of twitter’s hugely popular @TwopTwips. From the profane to the ridiculous, these laugh-at-loud nuggets of advice, with absurd and informative illustrations, will change your life in a hugely insignificant way.Tips include:BORED of a friend's text messages? Reply with 'unsubscribe' and they'll get the hint.SPICE up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread.STOP your dog from pulling on its lead by walking a bit faster.PREPARE your children for office life by acting awkwardly around them in the kitchen.AVOID the hassle and expense of hair straighteners by not eating your crusts.Top Gear: My Dad Had One of Those
By Giles Chapman, Richard Porter. 2007
Good old Dad and his good old Dad's car. As solid and dependable as the man himself, if a little…
less balding, Dad's car was almost a member of the family, whisking you to exciting days out, or just to visit boring relatives in distant parts of the country to the chant of 'are we nearly there yet?' Like the man behind the wheel, Dad's car made you feel safe and secure, because it was as reassuring and sensible as he was. Maybe in an idle moment Dad dreamt of driving something rakish and fast, just like in idle moments he dreamt that your Mum was Twiggy, but the demands of family life meant soft tops, hard suspension and anything even remotely sporty were off the cards. Even anything less than four doors would have been wildly hedonistic. But although the family car may not have been the very essence of rock 'n' roll, Dad was proud of it. Spanning the 1950s to the '80s, this is a celebration of the heyday of the Dad car. From much loved family workhorses like the Ford Cortina and Vauxhall Viva to the rakish excitement and playground kudos of the Rover 3500 and Citroen CX, all the great Dad cars are here. Reflecting a time before people carriers and lifestyle off roaders, when the nearest thing to an airbag was hiding behind your fat brother, this is a celebration of simple, honest cars that were as flawed and as loveable as your Dad himself.Top Gear: Motor Mania
By Ivan Berg, Nik Berg. 2006
Did you know that Jasons and Tracies crash more cars than Jacquelines and Damons? Or that a boomerang can be…
used to repair a knackered clutch? Have you ever wanted to visit a naked car show, wondered what it's like to drive on the world's most dangerous road, or receive the world's most expensive speeding ticket?Want to read about flying cars, amphibious cars, or atomic cars? What about the Accord that can actually strike a chord, or the love car park? Dip inside to find all these plus stacks of other stuff, including cars in films, cars on TV, cars in songs - even cars as coffins.Top Gear: Motor Mania is a car book like no other. It's full of the strangest stories, fascinating facts and spectacular stats - a must for any car nut.Top Gear: The Alternative Highway Code
By Ministry of Top Gear. 2010
As everyone knows, there are three ways of doing things. The right way, the wrong way and the Top Gear…
way. Although, on reflection, that's usually just the wrong way, but faster and with more shouting. Anyway, the good news is that this third way of doing things can be applied to almost anything, and that includes motoring in general. All you need is the right guidance, which is where the brand new Top Gear Alternative Highway Code comes in. Top Gear's Altnernative Highway Code will show you how to bring the ambitious but rubbish philosophies of the world's most popular TV programme to your driving, containing advice on general motoring, as well as specific tips on how to deal with common eventualities like a rapidly sinking amphibious camper van, a caravan airship that's just crashed into a small bush, or a stupid home-made limousine that's snapped in half while transporting a top celebrity to an awards ceremony.Road users should not leave home without it.Tommy ‘The Doc’ Docherty was a combative Scotland international wing-half who became a brilliant but erratic manager. His 1960s Chelsea…
team was a glorious reflection of his colourful personality, and a decade later he reinvented his relegated Manchester United side as a vibrant attacking force.He was also, however, a hostage to his own decision-making, costing Chelsea a shot at the First Division title when he banned eight players for breaking their curfew. Most famously, he was fired by United after FA Cup glory because he’d fallen in love with the physiotherapist’s wife. He was a much-travelled manager, and ‘I’ve had more clubs than Jack Nicklaus’ was among the well-worn one-liners that created the image of ‘The Doc’ as football’s stand-up comedian. But in Tommy Doc, David Tossell looks beyond the wisecracks, interviewing Docherty himself, as well as former players and colleagues, to examine a remarkable career and reveal the personal heartaches behind the laughter.Tommy Cooper All In One Joke Book: Book Joke, Joke Book
By Tommy Cooper. 2014
My wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree.A big white horse walks into a pub.…
The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?'I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.'I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences.I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.'I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.'Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world' Nelson Mandela A card isn't quite…
enough - how can you say 'thank you' to some of the unsung heroes of our time? A good teacher can turn a life around. A good teacher can change the course of a career. A good teacher can bring the best out of every student. A good teacher deserves to be celebrated. This is a gift - to the teachers who have taken the time to help us understand or appreciate a subject. To the teachers who believed in us even when we didn't believe in ourselves. To the teachers who have taught us so much more than a subject. To the teachers we will never forget. This is a gift to the best teacher.