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Copper: A Dog's Life
By Annabel Goldsmith. 2006
A loveable local legend and true character to all who knew him, Copper was no ordinary dog. With more stories…
to tell than you could count on the pads of one paw, this curly-tailed, shaggy-bearded mongrel (but don't let him hear you call him that) led a truly astonishing life. Famed for his remarkable wanderlust, canine curiosity took him all over the place, from Richmond and Kingston to Brighton, sometimes travelling on buses with his friend Jessie the cat, often stopping off at his favourite pubs, or chasing unsuspecting joggers in the park - a hobby which nearly ended his life. In this delightful book, Copper tells us of his astounding adventures with the finest of tail-wagging wisdom. He sniffs out all the important things in life: the comings and goings, the loves and losses - and, of course, what it's like to live in high society. Sometimes cheeky, most of the time charming, but always cherished, Copper's story is by turns funny and moving, the tale of a real canine hero.There's an epidemic sweeping the nationSymptoms include:*Acute embarrassment at the mere notion of 'making a fuss'*Extreme awkwardness when faced with…
any social greeting beyond a brisk handshake *An unhealthy preoccupation with meteorology Doctors have also reported several cases of unnecessary apologising, an obsessive interest in correct queuing etiquette and dramatic sighing in the presence of loud teenagers on public transport. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS.VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS are highly contagious. There is no known cure.Rob Temple's hilarious new book reveals all the ways in which we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning oddballs, struggling to make it through every day without apologising to an inanimate object. Take comfort in misfortunes of others. You are not alone.The Middle-Class ABC
By Fi Cotter-Craig, Zebedee Helm. 2012
The Middle Class ABC is the book loos, bedside tables and farmers markets the length and breadth of the land…
have been waiting for - a humorous celebration of the facts (some are even true) and foibles, manners and mores, peccadilloes and armadillos, of contemporary British middle-class life.Letter by letter, the occasionally clever, witty and absurd observations and cartoons will ring true for all good Middlings. WARNING: you might even recognize your own or your friends' choices of children's names, foodie fads, holiday destinations . . . Crammed with affectionately teasing jokes and some truly dreadful puns, this is a book to enjoy at any time of the year in the course of going about one's business.The A-Z of Living Together
By Jeff Green. 2002
What happens when those two most incompatible of creatures - the human male and the human female - settle down…
for a life of togetherness and arguments about the toilet seat? Award-winning comedian Jeff Green bravely sets out to discover the truth. Why is, 'Wow, you're a fantastic cleaner', not considered a compliment? And what is it about women and candles...? Along the way he offers helpful advice (why you shouldn't cheer when your partner says, 'I'm not angry, I'm disappointed'), handy tips (ways to avoid becoming broody: get up every hour throughout the night and burn £200) and essential buys (see 'exercise equipment and other places to hang wet washing'). Whether you're hopelessly coupled or gratefully single, The A-Z of Living Together has all the answers you need. Because it's not just men who behave badly...The A-Z of Having a Baby
By Jeff Green. 2006
Congratulations! You're having a baby! Or maybe you're a proud parent, holding your little bundle of joy with a mixture…
of ecstasy, wonder and sheer unadulterated TERROR? But don't panic! Real help is at hand, in the form of new dad and award-winning comedian Jeff Green. Let him guide you through the late nights, the stretch marks, the haemorrhoids... (and that's just the dads) and reassure you that you are NOT ALONE. So Dad, if you're suffering from father blues (the slow realisation that all your holidays will now be at Center Parcs), and Mum, if you're still miffed that your partner kept just out of punching range during childbirth, then this book is most definitely for you. Because it's not just babies who have teething problems...Full of Hot Air: Launching, Floating High, and Landing
By Gary Paulsen. 1979
Saint and Greavsie's Funny Old Games
By Jimmy Greaves, Ian St John. 2009
Saint and Greavsie, sport's most loved double-act, have entertained millions of people over the years - first on the football…
pitches of their respective clubs and countries, then later together on the nation's television screens.They've collected a vast array of stories along the way from fellow sportspeople and pundits: some comical, some crazy, and most downright unbelievable, but all of them thoroughly entertaining. In Saint and Greavsie's Funny Old Games the duo have reunited to tell the very best of these anecdotes in their own unmistakeable style. Containing tales from the dressing-room, secrets about some of the world's biggest stars, and amazing facts from across the sporting spectrum, this hilarious book is the perfect read for any sports fan.Blighty: The Quest for Britishness, Britain, Britons, Britishness and the British
By Steve Lowe, Alan McArthur. 2009
Britishness: what does it really mean? Is it all a big con? Having skewered modern British life in the bestselling…
Is It Just Me or is Everything Shit?, Steve Lowe and Alan MacArthur set out to uncover the deep dark truth about Britain - its history, its myths and its people.Over the course of a year they watch Dorset Morris men dancing on a chalk-giant's thirty-foot-long erection, endure the Last Night of the Proms and search for a couple of pissed dragons under a hill in Wales. They ask Prince William what it means to be British, witness Scotland rising again (a bit), encounter terrifying Europhobe ladies in Surrey, and lose the will to live in Gibraltar. They also meet a lot of druids.Hilarious, timely and provocative, Blighty offers a brilliant, alternative vision of the island in the Atlantic that some people call Britain.Do Bats Have Bollocks?: And 101 More Utterly Stupid Questions
By Jon Butler, Bruno Vincent. 2008
The letters page of Old Git magazine continues to offer its readers an opportunity to ask and provide answers to…
the most pressing questions of our times. Questions such as:Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open?What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls?Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?Things Snowball
By Rich Hall. 2002
I stopped off at the Peace Gardens - a memorial straddling the US-Canadian border commemorating 'Lasting Peace Between America and…
Canada', as if there had ever been a problem. Show me a garden commemorating Peace Between America and, say, Iraq and I'll be impressed. America is like a beauty contestant. It's gorgeous, until it opens its mouth.'From the similarities between US gun laws and British drinking hours, to what cryptic crosswords really tell us about the British psyche, American in London Rich Hall casts a keen eye on the lunatic contradictions and weird marvels of his native and adoptive homelands.'Full of acute left-field reflections on America and Americans, plus some marvellously irreverent sketches ...wise, witty and strangely true' GUARDIANThe A-Z of Being Single: A Survival Guide to Dating and Mating
By Jeff Green. 2003
Ah, the single life. The blind dates, the guiltless sleeping in the starfish position, the 'table for one in a…
draught, please'. In his hilarious new book, Jeff Green offers practical advice on how to find love, or failing that how to pretend you've got a significant other half. For women: Leave the fridge door open for no reason. For men: Wash your towels. And if you've just been dumped, Jeff shows how you can reach 'closure', otherwise known as uncompromising REVENGE. Also includes:** Great chat-up lines for the older lover: 'Did you break a hip when you fell from heaven?' ** Beauty tips for dates: How to look twenty years younger? Stand further away ** Things not to say on a first date: Would you like to see my shrine to the others? ** And at last, the truth about what women really want*If you're in a couple, this book will remind you why your own situation is - just about - worth tolerating. And if you're happily single, follow Jeff's advice and you're guaranteed to stay that way... * everythingDo Ants Have Arseholes?: ...and 101 other bloody ridiculous questions
By Jon Butler, Bruno Vincent. 2007
How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no…
bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.Bel-Air Bambi and the Mall Rats
By Richard Peck. 1993
When Bambi Babcock's TV-producer father bankrupt, the Babcocks have to get out of Los Angeles ... fast. Dad heads for…
his hometown of Hickory Fork, which he remembers as a wholesome place for kids to grow up. But Bambi, her sister Buffie, and their little brother Brick come up against the Mall Rats, a down-home teenage gang run by scary Tanya and beef Jeeter. When the Mall Rats walk into school dives for cover. They've already trashed the mall. Bambi knows that if her show-biz family is going to get stuck here, they must turn the school around and save the town. The Mall Rats will never know what hit them.Your Dad Stole My Rake: And Other Family Dilemmas
By Tom Papa. 2018
I have been a close friend of Tom Papa for 17 years His lack of ability to perceive even…
the most basic principles of human functioning have made him an invaluable asset to me as a friend and colleague Because he sees nothing knows nothing and understands nothing I always seek his advice for the most complex matters Furthermore I would definitely recommend whatever the name of this book is because I know it comes from a place of pure nonsense without any knowledge of anything He is really one of my favorite people Jerry Seinfeld author of SeinLanguage Finally a funny book about parenting Great observations Great writing Actually funny I ve always known Tom was hysterical now I know he is a great writer and a fantastic storyteller Can Tom Papa write all books Jim Gaffigan author of Dad is FatIt s hard being a person especially in a family and no one knows that better than stand-up comedian family man and Live From Here head writer and performer Tom Papa How do you deal with a life filled with a whole host of characters and their bizarre inescapable behavior Especially when you re related to them Tom Papa is here to help you make sense of it all Your Dad Stole My Rake is a hilarious and warm book that saws deep into every branch of the family tree and uncovers the most bizarre and surprisingly meaningful aspects of our lives He exposes everyone from crazy aunts with mustaches grandparents who communicate by yelling and uncles who use marijuana as a condiment Among the topics covered - Tiger Mom v Ice-Cream Mom - Stop Trying to be Cool - In Defense of Family Vacations - No Fighting Before Coffee - Least Popular Baby Names - Wife Lie Detector - Your Cat Thinks You re Too Needy Anyone who has a family grew up in a family or has spent time with another human being will love this bookIt's Not Rocket Science: And other irritating modern cliches
By Clive Whichelow, Hugh Murray. 2007
Over last thirty years, new technology, fashion, and social set-ups have spawned new cliches galore. Everything on the Internet is…
available at the 'click of a mouse', TV presenters ask the audience to 'give it up' when they want them to applaud, call centres tell us 'we value your call' even though 'all our operators are busy'. And if you're 'gobsmacked' by all this you may be told to 'get a life', 'chill out' or 'whatever'. It's Not Rocket Science sifts through all aspects of modern life to find the most prevalent, ubiquitous and downright irritating cliches of our age. This high-octane, caffeine-fuelled, dictionary of cliches highlights the freshly-hackneyed phrases we're being subjected to 24/7. So how good is that? And what's not to like?A Plea for Old Cap Collier
By Irvin S. Cobb.
Hound Dog Days: a Story of North Country Life and Canine Contentment
By Harry Pearson. 2008
A decade and one dog after penning the bestselling Racing Pigs And Giant Marrows, and inspired by the purchase of…
his new hound, a petit basset-griffon Vendeen called Little Man, Harry Pearson returns to the world of stalking, ferreting and beating with this ramble through the countryside.Harry Pearson was born into a dog-loving family and grew up with a variety of spaniels, terriers, collies and mongrels. He currently spends several hours every day running along behind a bassett-griffon pretending he really intended to go that way himself. Within these pages will be found anecdotes culled from forty-five years of living with dogs, wise observations on canine and human behaviour, historical tales of famous dogs, learned speculations on nature and descriptions of life in the real English countryside - a place where there are otters in the river, glue-sniffers in the woods and fisticuffs over fishing rights.Dribble!: The Unbelievable Encyclopaedia of Football
By Harry Pearson. 2009
Ten years in the making, Dribble! is an A-Z of credulity-twanging facts and stories about what Pele once memorably dubbed…
'my bloody job'. It includes definitive explanations of everyday phrases such as 'the magic of the cup' and 'low centre of gravity'; a complete guide to becoming a terrace character and an in-depth account of how Roy Keane's pyjamas got him a smack on the nose . . . It also addresses hitherto ignored aspects of the beautiful game, including its longstanding relationship with Country and Western. Johnny Cash dubbed himself 'The Man in Black' in homage to his idol, referee Arthur Ellis and wrote what is arguably the greatest song ever written about the life of an assistant referee - 'I Walk the Line'.Could Do Better
By Norman McGreevy. 2010
Norman McGreevy's illustrated selection of schoolchildren's struggles with the pitfalls of the English language ranges from hilarious howlers on topics…
like history and religion to ridiculous spelling errors, grammatical catastrophes and malapropisms. Examples include:An octopus is a person who hopes for the best.There are 4 kinds of food - tined, jared, caned & raped.His mother, being immortal, had died.Running is a great sport, and I thank God for exposing me to the track team.I took out a book to read and settled down to read, but soon put it down because I couldn't read.Romeo and Juliet tell each other how much they are in love in the baloney scene.She draped her posterior over a grubby stool.The equator is a menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.Clowns tie their trousers with string which, when it is pulled, shows a hair-raising scene.At the age of 17 I have finally been accepted by my family.Pavlov studied the salvation of dogs.Trigonometry is when a lady marries three men at the same time.Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. The feminine of manager is managerie.The two kinds of book printed are friction and non-friction.Tarzan is a short name for the American flag. It's full name is Tarzan Stripes.Catharsisis a psychological means of stopping a catarrh. It illustrates the influence of mind over body.Mastication is what the Italians do with their hands when they talk English.Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.Henry met Becket on the altar steps and severely massacred him.The Pilgrim Fathers became a big band of Quackers.The leader of the Bolsheviks was John Lennon.From the wickedly famous and feminist creator and host of the "Throwing Shade" podcast, a collection of hilarious personal essays…
and political commentary perfect for fans of Lindy West and Roxane Gay. Since women earned the right to vote a little under one hundred years ago, our progress hasn't been the Olympic sprint toward gender equality first wave feminists hoped for, but more of a slow, elderly mall walk (with frequent stops to Cinnabon) over the four hundred million hurdles we still face. Some of these obstacles are obvious-unequal pay, under-representation in government, reproductive restrictions, lack of floor-length mirrors in hotel rooms. But a lot of them are harder to identify. They're the white noise of oppression that we've accepted as lady business as usual, and the patriarchy wants to keep it that way.Erin Gibson has a singular goal-to create a utopian future where women are recognized as humans. In FEMINASTY-titled after her nickname on the hit podcast "Throwing Shade"-she has written a collection of make-you-laugh-until-you-cry essays that expose the hidden rules that make life as a woman unnecessarily hard and deconstructs them in a way that's bold, provocative and hilarious. Whether it's shaming women for having their periods, allowing them into STEM fields but never treating them like they truly belong, or dictating strict rules for how they should dress in every situation, Erin breaks down the organized chaos of old fashioned sexism, intentional and otherwise, that systemically keeps women down.