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Bible Tales for Ages 18 and Up
By G. Richard Bozarth. 2014
In 1947, Dr. Sebaceous Piafraus discovered the Terminally Ill Sea Scrolls in the same month the Dead Sea Scrolls were…
found. The Dead Sea Scrolls became internationally famous, but the Terminally Ill Sea Scrolls were consigned to obscurity, along with their discoverer. Dr. Piafraus, who endured decades of ego-bruising neglect, provides translations of well-known Old Testament stories, which he insists are the most authentic versions of the stories because the Jewish eschatological cult that created the Scrolls claimed that they were. These stories are more fully developed than in the Old Testament and are humorous, though some parts are appalling, because Bible stories often are appalling.Twitterature
By Alexander Aciman, Emmett Rensin. 1990
Perhaps while reading Shakespeare you've asked yourself, What exactly is Hamlet trying to tell me? Why must he mince words…
and muse in lyricism and, in short, whack about the shrub? But if the Prince of Denmark had a Twitter account and an iPhone, he could tell his story in real time--and concisely! Hence the genius of Twitterature. Hatched in a dorm room at the brain trust that is the University of Chicago, Twitterature is a hilarious and irreverent re-imagining of the classics as a series of 140-character tweets from the protagonist. Providing a crash course in more than eighty of the world's best-known books, from Homer to Harry Potter, Virgil to Voltaire, Tolstoy to Twilight and Dante to The Da Vinci Code. It's the ultimate Cliffs Notes. Because as great as the classics are, who has time to read those big, long books anymore? Sample tweets: From Hamlet: WTF IS POLONIUS DOING BEHIND THE CURTAIN??? From the Harry Potter series: Oh man big tournament at my school this year!! PSYCHED! I hope nobody dies this year, and every year as if by clockwork. From The Great Gatsby: Gatsby is so emo. Who cries about his girlfriend while eating breakfast...IN THE POOL?Tequila Blue
By Nick Caistor, Rolo Diez. 1992
"Both a scathing and picaresque comedy, a biting and spicy concoction. Just like tequila."--Le MondeIt's not easy being a cop…
in Mexico City. Meet Carlito, a police detective with a complicated life. A wife, a mistress, children by both. He resorts to money laundering and arms dealing to finance his police activity. The money for justice must be found somewhere.The corpse in the hotel room is that of a gringo with a weakness for blue movies. Carlito's maverick investigation leads him into a labyrinth of gang wars and corrupt politicians.Rolo Diez, born in Argentina, was imprisoned for two years during the military dictatorship. He now lives in Mexico City, where he works as a novelist and screenwriter.Novelists
By C. P. Boyko. 2014
Novelists: the soul of an age, certainly. Brilliant? Perhaps. Yet aren't they also doddering, petulant, pedantic, knockkneed, skittish, and thunderingly…
insecure-resentful, awkward, annoying-demanding, deluded, and vexingly indifferent to reality? New from short fiction devotée C.P. Boyko, Novelists is a comedy of manners (and manuscripts), rivalling Vanity Fair for its satirical wit... though not, mercifully, for its length.Clementine Classics: Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
By Theodore Dreiser, Clementine The Hedgehog. 2013
Sometimes reading the classics is a chore, but not so with the snarky annotations by Clementine the Hedgehog. Having made…
her debut as a weekly book reviewer of note on Tumblr in 2012, Clem now takes on Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser. On each page, she inserts her keen insights, dark sense of humor, and cut-the-crap commentary, crafting a 21st-century literary criticism for distraction addicts everywhere. "This is obviously my favorite review to date, as it was WRITTEN BY A HEDGEHOG, and COMES WITH A HEDGEHOG GIF."-Emma Straub"Tumblr book review series of the year."-Rachel Fershleiser, head of Tumblr literary outreachClementine Classics, a new series from Black Balloon Publishing, gives classic works of literature the contemporary annotations they deserve. Obsessed, possessed, and thoroughly distressed by the originals, today's writers riff, rant, praise, and flay these old books, giving them new life. The series' beautifully designed e-books are both an act of sincere literary criticism and a new, composite form of humor writing.Clementine Classics: Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
By Clementine The Hedgehog. 2013
Sometimes reading the classics is a chore, but not so with the snarky annotations by Clementine the Hedgehog. Having made…
her debut as a weekly book reviewer of note on Tumblr in 2012, Clem now takes on Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser. On each page, she inserts her keen insights, dark sense of humor, and cut-the-crap commentary, crafting a 21st-century literary criticism for distraction addicts everywhere. "This is obviously my favorite review to date, as it was WRITTEN BY A HEDGEHOG, and COMES WITH A HEDGEHOG GIF."-Emma Straub"Tumblr book review series of the year."-Rachel Fershleiser, head of Tumblr literary outreachClementine Classics, a new series from Black Balloon Publishing, gives classic works of literature the contemporary annotations they deserve. Obsessed, possessed, and thoroughly distressed by the originals, today's writers riff, rant, praise, and flay these old books, giving them new life. The series' beautifully designed e-books are both an act of sincere literary criticism and a new, composite form of humor writing.To Be or Not To Be: A Chooseable-Path Adventure
By Ryan North. 2013
The greatest work in English literature, now in the greatest format of English literature: a chooseable-path adventure! When Shakespeare wrote…
Hamlet he gave the world just one possible storyline, drawn from a constellation of billions of alternate narratives. And now you can correct that horrible mistake! Play as Hamlet and avenge your father's death--with ruthless efficiency this time. Play as Ophelia and change the world with your scientific brilliance. Play as Hamlet's father and die on the first page, then investigate your own murder... as a ghost! Featuring over 100 different endings, each illustrated by today's greatest artists, incredible side quests, fun puzzles, and a book-within-a-book instead of a play-within-a-play, To Be or Not To Be offers up new surprises and secrets every time you read it.You decide this all sounds extremely excellent, and that you will definitely purchase this book right away. Because as the Bard said: "to be or not to be... that is the adventure."...You're almost certain that's how it goes.To Be or Not To Be originally launched as a record-breaking Kickstarter project. This new, reader-friendly edition features the same text and illustrations as the original version, redesigned to take up half as many pages and weigh a whole pound less.A Bundle of Neurotica: Eight Neurotica Short Stories (Neurotica)
By D. B. Shuster. 2015
"A wicked romp through the hallowed halls of academia!"Laugh out loud at these clever and sexy tales. Academia has never…
been so naughty!The university men in Professor Melanie Stevenson's life pressure her to take her proper place--under them. While the proper professor indulges in daring daydreams of...submitting to their will, her "evil" twin, Violet, takes on the role of academic avenger and cracks the whip, so to speak, to work out the kinks in higher education. Written by a college professor, this witty series takes a darkly funny look at the neurotic people and politics of higher education. These eight consecutive short stories tell a larger tale with rich characters, escalating stakes, and steamy action. What Readers are Saying"Timid Professors, evil twins and a good dose of slightly naughty will have you chuckling over the office water cooler.""Love this series! Smart, funny, and sexy. Great brain candy!""Hot and hillarious!""These are awesome. They're over the top enough to be funny but really, really good."Excerpt from "Spanking the Chair""Spanked?" he repeated, his voice cracking. She licked her lips and nodded, knowing she had his full interest now."Yes, spanked." She coiled a lock of hair around her finger, looked down at her own knees. "You know, sometimes I miss that.""You miss being spanked?""It was so cathartic, you know? A hot hand on my backside, a good wallop, and all the bad was purged out of me. I'd done my penance and could go back to being good again." "I don't know what to say," he said. Perhaps not, but his thoughts broadcast loud and clear, as he undressed her with his eyes and likely imagined turning her over his knee. So not going to happen."Do you feel you need to be punished for what you've done?" he asked."I know corporal punishment is out of vogue," she said. "But truly, it could be so therapeutic." His head bounced like a bobble head as he communicated his willingness to give her what he most desired, him in the role of punisher.Time to change the game.She crossed her legs, leaned forward, and dropped her voice to a husky whisper. "Have you ever been spanked, Simon?"The Seven Keys of Balabad
By Mark Zug, Paul Haven. 2009
Inspired by the years he spent in Afghanistan and Pakistan as bureau chief with The Associated Press, Paul Haven's intricately…
crafted tale is filled with details of everyday life in this remote and frequently overlooked part of the world. Loosely based on the legendary Golden Hoard of Bactria--the renowned hidden treasure discovered in northern Afghanistan in 1978--this fast-paced middle-grade novel will appeal to readers who like their twists and turns filled with mysterious characters, exotic locales, and an utterly relatable protagonist. Welcome to Balabad, birthplace of the international secret society known as the Brotherhood of Arachosia--and rumored hiding place of the grandest riches the world has ever known. Balabad is also the country Oliver Finch has called home ever since his father was reassigned to this dull, war-torn dust bowl. Each day runs into the next for Oliver until a five-hundred-year-old sacred carpet is stolen. Then one of the few friends he has disappears. Oliver is determined to figure out what exactly is going on. But in order to do that he'll have to consult with a one-eyed warrior, track down the far-flung members of the Brotherhood, and unlock a centuries-old secret! Suddenly, life in Balabad for Oliver has become a whole lot more interesting . . . and dangerous.Encyclopaedia of Hell
By Mahendra Singh, Tony Millionaire, Martin Olson. 2011
A tour de force of darkness, Encyclopaedia of Hell is a manual of Earth written by Lord Satan for his…
invading hordes of demons, complete with hundreds of unpleasant illustrations, diagrams, and a comprehensive and utterly repulsive dictionary of Earth terms.Since the customs and mores of humanity are alien and inconceivable to demons, Satan wrote this strangely poetic military handbook for the enlightenment and edification of his demon armies. A masterpiece expressing Satan's hatred for humanity and himself, the Encyclopaedia includes "Techniques of Stalking and Eating Humans," "Methods of Canning Human Pus," and "Dicing and Slicing Orphaned Children."Why the invasion? During the last century in particular, Hell has become seriously overcrowded. Satan needs more land mass for the damned and to use the human livestock to feed his hungry demon invaders.Since this book is the 666th commemorative edition, this Encyclopaedia contains special commemorative material.Martin Olson's savage wit provides the firepower for a preposterous literary feat unaccomplished since Mark Twain passed-channeling the real voice of Satan. Over the past fifteen years, Olson has written and produced nine comedy specials, inflicted on the populace via CBS, HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, and A&E.The Possum That Didn't
By Frank Tashlin. 1977
There once was a happy little possum, the happiest animal in the entire forest, who always wore a great big…
smile. This jolly creature was content simply to hang by his tail from a tree until he was discovered by a group of picnickers. Mistaking the possum's upside-down smile for a frown, the people resolve to rescue him ― and they turn the little possum's world topsy-turvy. Strikingly illustrated in black-and-white, this memorable satire of cultural intolerance was created by Frank Tashlin, the famed animator, film director, and author of The Bear That Wasn't. Readers of all ages will appreciate the book's message as well as its distinctive drawings.From the #1 bestselling author of Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids comes a brand-new joke collection with hundreds of spooky knee-slappers…
to make you cackle about monsters, mayhem, and more.Rob Elliott's irresistible comedic genius returns to make your little ghosts and goblins laugh with nonstop puns, jokes, and other absurdities about everything that goes bump in the night. This refreshing classic is a perfect fit for the entire family to enjoy together!How does a monster like his coffee? With scream and sugar!Few classic works of literature have excited such enduring popular interest among the general public as Frankenstein. But suppose the…
characters?Victor Frankenstein, Captain Robert Walton, and, yes, even the ?monster??had shared their tale in tweets? #Frankenstein; Or, The Modern Prometheus in Tweets hilariously reimagines Mary Shelley?s classic gothic novel in about 200 tweets, each 140 characters or less. @FrankenDrVictor: A rainy Nov night under dying candle I infused the spark. A gasp! A convulsion of limbs! A yellow eye opened. ;P WTF have I done? In this witty abridgment, Victor Frankenstein?s quest to create a sentient being is retold with the occasional emoji. The plight of his monstrous creation is presented with internet acronyms. And Captain Robert Walton ponders the blinding power of ambition with hashtags. Including an appendix that presents the original passages upon which each tweet is derived, #Frankenstein offers modern readers an entertaining and accessible companion to a great American classic.Moby Dick is regularly hailed as one of the greatest works of American literature. But suppose Ishmael had instead shared…
his tale in tweets? #Moby-Dick or The Whale in Tweets hilariously reimagines Herman Melville's classic whaling novel in just 200 tweets, each 140 characters or less. Ishmael here! Went broke in NYC, Super bored with land (damp drizzly soul,) I'm going to sea! #callme #whalingvoyage In this witty abridgment, mad captain Ahab's quest for vengeance upon a white whale is retold with Internet acronyms. The plight of the Pequod and its motley crew is punctuated by the occasional emoji. And Ishmael ponders whaling and humanity with hashtags. Including an appendix that presents the original passages upon which each tweet is derived, #Moby Dick offers modern readers an entertaining and accessible companion to a great American classic.Does It Fart?: A Kid's Guide to the Gas Animals Pass
By Nick Caruso, Dani Rabaiotti, Alex G. Griffiths. 2019
A hilariously informative book of facts, farts, and fun!Dogs fart. Cats fart. Horses fart (a lot). But what about snakes?…
Spiders? Octopuses? What about chimpanzees? Cheetahs? Or dinosaurs?In this gaseous guide to kids' favorite animals (and some they've probably never heard of), young readers will discover not only which animals pass gas, but also which have the stinkiest farts, which fart the most, and where all this smelly stuff comes from. They'll even learn which species has its own secret fart code! Perfect for reluctant readers, and with full-color illustrations throughout, Does It Fart? is the funniest book you never knew you needed.Based on the New York Times bestseller Does It Fart?: The Definitive Field Guide to Animal Flatulence.The Truth About My Unbelievable Summer . . .
By Benjamin Chaud, Davide Cali. 2016
What really happened over the summer break? A curious teacher wants to know. The epic explanation? What started out as…
a day at the beach turned into a globe-spanning treasure hunt with high-flying hijinks, exotic detours, an outrageous cast of characters, and one very mischievous bird! Is this yet another tall tale, or is the truth just waiting to be revealed? From the team behind I Didn't Do My Homework Because . . . and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School . . . comes a fantastical fast-paced, detail-rich illustrated summer adventure that's so unbelievable, it just might be true! Plus, this is the fixed-format version, which looks almost identical to the print edition.The Best of Matt 2019
By Matt Pritchett. 2019
Whether you want to laugh or cry about the last twelve months, Matt gives a brilliantly funny take on the…
world. From Brexit to business, Trump to transport woes, our obsession with the weather to Royal babies, Matt nails it every single time with just the right visual joke. There is no doubt: Matt definitely makes the world a happier place!Tales from the Brothers Grimm and the Sisters Weird
By Vivian Vande Velde. 2005
Pugs and Prejudice (Classic Tails 1): Beautifully illustrated classics, as told by the finest breeds!
By Jane Austen, Eliza Garrett. 2017
CLASSIC TAILS - the greatest works of literature, as told by the finest breedsWe all have our favourite classic novels;…
books that have been beloved to us since childhood, whose wonderful stories and rich tapestry of characters are unsurpassed in modern literature. How, you may ask, could these marvellous works ever be improved upon?Reader, ask no more...for we present Pugs & PrejudiceMrs Bennet has five unmarried daughters, living in a house that can only be inherited by a male heir. The Bennet litter must be married off soon - but to whom?Adorable Mr Bingley seems like a perfect match for beautiful and sweetly tempered Jane Bennet; and perhaps his dashing but aloof companion Mr Darcy might be just right for her witty sister Elizabeth?Or perhaps not...This book has everything you adored about Jane Austen's classic novel - the wit, the warmth, the love story - with everything the original lacked - namely, a colourful cast of adorable pugs dressed head to paw in Georgian clothing. Turns out Mr Darcy is even more lovable with a fuzzy muzzle.What readers are saying about Pugs and Prejudice:'A simply excellent adaptation of a classic' 'Really an amazing book. It's a perfect introductory tale for anyone who doesn't know Pride and Prejudice and even more enjoyable for those who do''Such a cute book - the perfect gift for the pug lovers in your life'The Picture of Dorian Greyhound (Classic Tails 4): Beautifully illustrated classics, as told by the finest breeds!
By Oscar Wilde, Eliza Garrett. 2017
CLASSIC TAILS - the greatest works of literature, as told by the finest breedsWe all have our favourite classic tales;…
books that have been beloved to us since childhood, whose wonderful stories and rich tapestry of characters are unsurpassed in modern literature. How, you may ask, could these marvellous works ever be improved upon?Reader, ask no more...for we present The Picture of Dorian GreyhoundDorian Greyhound is the best of his breed - well-tempered, beautiful and pure of heart. So Basil Basset, an artist, paints a portrait that reflects the very essence of Dorian's soul.But soon Dorian befriends selfish hedonist Lord Henry Wooffon, and then the moral corruption of this sweet creature begins. On the outside, Dorian remains young and sleek - but as his naughtiness increases, the portrait starts to reveal the extent of his inner decay...What readers are saying about The Picture of Dorian Greyhound:'The whole book is hilarious. I need more of these Classic Tails editions in my life''Clever text, lovely illustrations''Fun references and amazing artwork. It's certainly made me want to read the original'