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Crap Kingdom
By Dc Pierson. 2013
THE CHOSEN ONE MUST BE RETRIEVED FROM EARTH HE WILL BRING DOWN THE WALL AND RESTORE THE KINGDOM TO GLORY…
HIS NAME IS TOM PARKING With this mysterious yet oddly ordinary-looking prophecy, Tom's fate is sealed: he's been plucked from his life and whisked away to a magical kingdom to be its Chosen One. There's just one problem: The kingdom is mostly made of garbage from Earth. Okay, well, two problems: the king hates Tom. Also, the princess likes to wear fake mustaches. And being Chosen One seems to consist mainly of cleaning out rats' noses at the Royal Rat-Snottery. So, basically, the kingdom sucks. When Tom turns down the job of Chosen One, he thinks he's making a smart decision. But when Tom discovers he's been replaced by his best friend Kyle, who's always been cooler, more athletic, and better with girls, Tom wants Crap Kingdom back--at any cost. And the hilarity that ensues will determine the fate of the universe.Vordak the Incomprehensible: Rule the School
By Vordak T. Incomprehensible. 2011
Greetings, goobers! After my latest experiment worked a little too well—transforming my rather fetching figure into something significantly smaller—I’ve been…
forced to return to those halls of horror better known as . . . school. But going back to junior high may be my greatest opportunity for mayhem in many a month! Try to keep up as I: • Dramatically defeat the daily dangers of schooldom—even though everyone is against me. • Strive to win the junior high presidential election by alerting my fellow students to the wonderfulness of Vordak the Incomprehensible, as well as the yuck-ness of my opponent, Marlena Lurchburger. • Mastermind a catastrophic career day, where that disgusting do-gooder Commander Virtue will finally, fiendishly be foiled. Fortunately for you, I have recorded every mischievous moment within these carefully crafted covers so that you may bask in my brilliance as I plot to RULE THE SCHOOL . . . and, eventually, THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!The One That I Want
By Jennifer Echols. 2012
Matchmaking gets mixed up in this all-original eBook addition to The Romantic Comedies series!Gemma can't believe her luck when the…
star football player starts flirting with her. Max is totally swoon-worthy, and even gets her quirky sense of humor. So when he asks out her so-called best friend Addison, Gemma's heartbroken.Then Addison pressures Gemma to join the date with one of Max's friends. But the more time they all spend together, the harder Gemma falls for Max. She can't help thinking that Max likes her back--it's just too bad he's already dating Addison. How can Gemma get the guy she wants without going after her best friend's boyfriend?D Is for Drama
By Jo Whittemore. 2012
A lead role means lots of drama in this sparkling story of one tween's efforts to shine in the spotlight.…
Sunny Kim is done with one-line roles at Carnegie Arts Academy--she's ready for the lead. But even after a summer of studying with an acting coach, Sunny doesn't snag the role of Mary Poppins in her school's upcoming production. Unfortunately, her entire family mistakenly thinks otherwise, including her former-actress mother. Desperate for a solution, Sunny convinces her theater adviser to let her produce a one-woman show. But when the rest of her friends find out--the friends that never seem to make the playbill either--they all want to join in. Before long, Sunny is knee-deep in curtains, catfights, and chorus lines as her one-woman work turns into a staging of the hit musical Wicked. And when a terrible misunderstanding pits the entire cast against Sunny, can the show--and Sunny's future acting career--be saved in time for opening night?You Are So Undead to Me
By Stacey Jay. 2009
Q: HOW MANY ZOMBIES DOES IT TAKE TO RUIN A SOCIAL LIFE? A: NOT MANY. Megan Berry is a Zombie…
Settler by birth, which means she’s part-time shrink to a whole bunch of semi-dead people with killer issues. All Megan really wants is to go to homecoming, but when you’re trailed by a bunch of slobbering corpses whenever you leave the house, it’s kinda hard to score a date. Let’s just say Megan’s love life could use some major resuscitation. Megan’s convinced her life can’t get any worse – until someone in school starts using black magic to turn average, angsty Undead into scary, hardcore flesh-eating Zombies. Now it’s up to Megan to stop the Zombie apocalypse. Her life – and more importantly, the homecoming dance – depends on it. .Goofballs #6: The Crazy Classroom Caper
By Tony Abbott, Colleen Madden. 2014
Fans of Dav Pilkey's The Adventures of Ook and Glook and Patricia Reilly Giff's ZigZag Kids will flock to this…
chapter-book mystery series full of slapstick humor and silly situations by the wildly popular Tony Abbott, author of the Secrets of Droon series. Jeff, Mara, Brian, and Kelly are Goofballs and proud of it. Goofball private eyes. Together, they solve mysteries. How do they discover the truth? They use funny disguises, nutty inventions, and their secret weapon: Sparky the Goofdog!Objects have been disappearing from Ms. Becker's kindergarten classroom - blocks, an easel, even the class goldfish! Luckily, the Goofballs are ready to go undercover to help their former teacher learn the truth. But posing as teachers is hard work, especially when the entire class may be as smart as Kelly, as observant as Jeff, as creative as Mara, and as goofy as Brian. Everyone's a suspect, and every time the Goofballs turn their backs, something else vanishes. Soon, the whole classroom will be gone!Have the Goofballs been out-goofed? These young sleuths have never failed so solve a case, and they don't intend to start now!The Great Rabbit Rescue
By Katie Davies, Hannah Shaw. 2010
The kids from The Great Hamster Massacre are back--and on a rabbit rescue mission!Joe has gone to live with his…
dad, leaving behind his beloved pet rabbit. Anna and Suzanne try to look after it for him, but when the rabbit becomes ill, they're convinced it's because it's missing Joe. Now Joe is sick too. The girls are certain that Joe and the rabbit will die unless they are reunited soon...But can Anna and Tom and Suzanne pull off The Great Rabbit Rescue in time?Time to Fly #10
By Laurie Anderson. 2009
There's a flock of parrots in Zoe's backyard! No one knows where they came from, but they aren't as big…
a surprise as the sight of Zoe's mother, who has just arrived from California. She wants Zoe to move back home with her - something Zoe has been waiting to hear for months. But why does leaving Ambler and Dr. Mac's place seem so much harder than she expected?The Voyage Out
By Virginia Woolf. 2012
Rachel Vinrace embarks for South America on her father's ship and is launched on a course of self-discovery in this…
modern version of the mythic voyage. In one of Woolf's wittiest, most satirical novels, we are introduced to Clarissa Dalloway, the central character of Woolf's later novel, Mrs. Dalloway. The mismatched jumble of passengers on the ship provide Woolf with ample opportunity to satirize Edwardian life.Jiggy McCue: Nudie Dudie
By Michael Lawrence. 2004
Jiggy McCue's clothes keep disappearing. In public! Soon teachers, friends, neighbours and even the odd seagull have all seen Jiggy…
without a stitch on. Embarrassing, or what? Worse, Jiggy hasn't a clue how to stop it happening? Laugh your socks off with this brilliant Jiggy caper, now available for the first time as an Ebook.I So Don't Do Famous
By Barrie Summy. 2011
Having a boyfriend in eighth grade makes me kind of a celebrity at school. I'm also known throughout the spirit…
world--I've helped my ghost mom solve some tough cases. And now I'm on my biggest one of all . . . in Hollywood!Everyone is so famous here. But there's no time for stargazing. Somehow I managed to stumble upon a mystery right on Hollywood Boulevard. Homes of young celebs are being burglarized, and it's up to me to figure out who's behind the million dollar crimes--and prove it to the Beverly Hills police. And to complicate things? The ghost of a teen star is dying to help me. One thing you never hear in the land of glitz & glamour? I so don't do famous.From the Hardcover edition.Galgorithm
By Aaron Karo. 2015
A romantic comedy about high school, heartbreak, and having all the answers.What if the secrets of dating and love were…
revealed in one simple formula? That's the tantalizing proposition high school senior Shane Chambliss offers the hopeless and hapless guys who come to him for relationship advice. After the girl of his dreams breaks his heart, Shane devises a mysterious formula called the Galgorithm and establishes himself as the resident dating guru at Kingsview High School. But his attempts to master the art of romance go outrageously awry. As Shane tries to navigate the ensuing drama, he must follow his heart, abandon all the rules, and ignore his own advice in a quest for true love. What he discovers, no formula could ever predict...s and ignoring his own advice, Shane boldly embarks on a quest for true love. And what he finds is nothing short of a scientific miracle--that finding your perfect match is really not a science at all.Among the Stars
By Jodi Lynn Anderson. 2014
May Bird has always been a bit. . . different. While most of her classmates were riding their bikes, she…
was running around the West Virginia woods, dressed as a warrior princess with her hairless cat at her side. And while most of her classmates were spending their summer vacations going to birthday parties, May was discovering a mysterious lake hidden among the trees -- and stumbling into the land of ghosts, the Ever After. A fearful and fantastic realm located among the stars, the Ever After is full of phantoms and poltergeists, ghouls and goblins, and all manner of things that go bump in the night. And if May is to find her way out again, she must reach the mysterious Lady of North Farm, who lives in a cold, forbidding land that even the spooks find spooky. With her courageous (yet melancholy) kitty and a ragtag group of spectral friends she's picked up along the way, May is determined to escape the Afterlife. But her travels will bring her face-to-face with her worst fears: a devious pursuer; a truly horrifying dance party under the sea, hosted by the Bogey (aka Boogie) Man; and the Ever After's terrible ruler, Evil Bo Cleevil. And when all of these things collide, there's no telling who will find courage to make it through. . . or who will be left behind.The Struggles of Brown, Jones, and Ro
By Anthony Trollope. 2012
Anthony Trollope (1815-1882) was one of the most successful, prolific and respected English novelists of the Victorian era. He wrote…
penetrating novels on political, social, and gender issues and conflicts of his day. In 1867 Trollope left his position in the British Post Office to run for Parliament as a Liberal candidate in 1868. After he lost, he concentrated entirely on his literary career. While continuing to produce novels rapidly, he also edited the St Paul's Magazine, which published several of his novels in serial form. His first major success came with The Warden (1855) - the first of six novels set in the fictional county of Barsetshire. The comic masterpiece Barchester Towers (1857) has probably become the best-known of these. Trollope's popularity and critical success diminished in his later years, but he continued to write prolifically, and some of his later novels have acquired a good reputation. In particular, critics generally acknowledge the sweeping satire The Way We Live Now (1875) as his masterpiece. In all, Trollope wrote forty-seven novels, as well as dozens of short stories and a few books on travel.Millhouse
By Natale Ghent. 2014
Fans of the I, Freddy series and Charlotte's Web will be won over by this charming, delightfully told and illustrated…
story of a petshop misfit -- a hairless guinea pig with a penchant for Shakespeare. Millhouse is a faint-hearted, hairless guinea pig. A great lover of all things theatrical, most especially the work of William Shakespeare, Milly longs for the limelight and someone to love. However, after the death of his beloved owner, the great actor Sir Roderick Lord Kingswagger, Millhouse is abandoned to a neglected and dusty pet shop filled with other rodents -- some rude, some odd, some cute and some downright frightening. Finding himself a reviled outcast and a target of the nasty Pepper Brown ferret, Millhouse sets about trying to find a way back to the theater and a happy home, and in doing so experiences more drama than he could ever have imagined.Liquid Diet & Midnight Snacks: 2 Vampire Satires
By Michael Mccarty. 1983
INTERLUDE WITH THE VAMPIRE .... OR INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE WRITER As the blood-red sun sets over the Chicago skyline…
real-life vampire, Andrew Bloodsworth makes his way into WOLF 99.9 FM, an all-night radio station hosted by the beautiful Bella Donna, Goth queen of the airwaves. As Bloodsworth reveals how he first became a vampire and the dark secrets and desires of the undead, listeners call in to talk to the undead writer. Most of the listeners are vampire and horror enthusiasts who are overjoyed to talk to a real life vampire, but OTTO--the Opposition To The Occult, a religious right-wing organization--is also listening to the radio show, and they're not amused. If that wasn't enough, tabloid TV host, Harry Winger, who features equally outrageous guests on his program, wants Bloodsworth to appear on his show. Plus, the Amazing Kreskin, the world's foremost mentalist, has just had a premonition of imminent disaster. What will happen next? Tune in to find out!Affinities and Other Stories: and Other Stories
By Mary Roberts Rinehart. 2012
Five short stories dealing with the escapades of society women in America and England. CONTENTS: I AFFINITIES II THE FAMILY…
FRIEND III CLARA'S LITTLE ESCAPADE IV THE BORROWED HOUSE V SAUCE FOR THE GANDERBoyface and the Quantum Chromatic Disruption Machine
By James Campbell. 2014
Boyface Antelope has been waiting his whole life to turn ten and be allowed to enter his parents' stripemongering shop…
so he can take stripes off animals and put them on something different. Like tartan onto badgers, or removing the stripes of zebras to make ponies. On the morning of his tenth birthday he finds his parents ill, and they ask him not just to go in the shop but to look after it on his own! Will he be able to keep the stripemongery running smoothly?Fundorado Island
By Captain Redbeard. 2006
Being a pirate I've had me share of adventure and heard many a tall tale. But what I'm pullin' ye…
into be more thrillin' than any lit keg o'gun powder I ever had the chance to leap away from. . . .Abandoned on his ship, the Picaroon, by his no-good bad of scoundrels with no provisions except lots and lots of jelly beans, Captain Redbeard sails off to find a new crew . . . only to have horrible, wretched nightmares. Nightmares that bring about serendipitous disasters that doom the Picaroon. Soon Redbeard finds himself shipwrecked on Fundorado Island, where boundless fantastical adventures await.From the Hardcover edition.Notes from a Hairy-Not-Scary Werewolf
By Tim Collins, Andrew Pinder. 2013
An unassuming werewolf joins forces with a teen vampire in this humorous addition to the Totally Lame Vampire series.Luke Thorpe…
is great at math and terrible at sports. He prefers to stay in the background when possible, but suddenly he's found himself howling at the moon and doing a lot of really hairy things! Turns out Luke is going through a phase. Or more like a transformation. He's a werewolf. How does an average kid whose biggest problems until now have been avoiding the school bully and preparing for his end-of-the-year exams cope with these changes? (He really has to study, not chase cars!) He's going to need help--a whole pack of it. But when war threatens to break out between the vampires and the werewolves, can Luke and a new pointy-toothed friend save the day?