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The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit
By Jill Conner Browne. 2008
When does 1 + 1 = 3 (or more)? When you've got a baby on the way. Part of that…
new math, says #1 New York Times bestselling author Jill Conner Browne -- whom USA Today calls "just plain funny" -- includes the addition of an outsize sense of humor to balance the equation of your growing family. The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit is a hilarious (though not scientifically tested) wink at the time-honored mysteries of parenting, because anybody who has ever had a kid or has ever known one knows that the experience is neither fun nor profitable -- so you might as well laugh! As each generation begins its hopeful, happy, and, yes, sometimes harrowing journey as Parent and Child, together they spawn a new body of "knowledge," the nuances of which will elude the Experts every time. Here are stories of the things we do for Mother Love -- or, the most incredibly full-time volunteer job ever -- and tips guaranteed not to be found in any other parenting guide. How to talk to a pregnant womanHow the diamonds on delivery policy can speed up the labor nature intendedWhy a good mother is always adept at subterfugeThe list of things you wouldn't think you would have to tell kids not to doWhy mothers of sons can never retireWhy, for parents, it's just a short drive to the poorhouse The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit will have everyone who's ever been a parent -- or has ever thought of becoming one -- or has ever been a child -- or is still one -- giggling and grinning (no small feat) through those childbearing years...and beyond.101 Ways to Torture Your Husband
By Maria Garcia-Kalb. 2010
He forgot your birthday.He always leaves his socks on the floor.He&’s glued to the tube all weekend for every game.Let&’s…
face it: Even the best of husbands are a real pain in the ass sometimes. And when all the &“talks,&” counseling sessions and self-help books fail, there&’s only one viable recourse: torture. In this hilarious collection of clever tricks and tactics, you will learn how to put your husband in his place when you:Bury the remote in the backyardHave lunch with an exPick a fight during the gameBook a male masseuse for your next massageDelete his DVR recordingsAnd many more!Risk factors rank damage done as well as how long it&’ll take him to get over it. With the creatively wicked methods outlined in this manual, he&’ll never misbehave again!Hyper-chondriac: One Man's Quest to Hurry Up and Calm Down
By Brian Frazer. 2007
Does your blood pressure surge if the car in front of you turns without signaling? Do your neck veins pulsate…
when a cashier takes too long to ring you up? Does relaxing seem like it'll have to wait until you're dead? Then your name could very well be Brian Frazer. On paper, Frazer is the world's healthiest guy. He eats right, exercises regularly, gets plenty of sleep, has never smoked and has missed only one day of flossing in the last five years. But inside he's a swirling vortex of angst, capable of contracting a new malady every month. Once Frazer realized that all his ills were tied to stress, he went on a quixotic quest for calm, venturing into everything from Tai Chi, serotonin blockers and Kabbalah to an unfortunate incident involving pineapple-chicken curry at a Craniosacral therapy session. Never has the road to wellville taken so many unforeseen turns. Achingly funny, uncomfortably true and always entertaining, Hyperchondriac is just the medicine for anyone who wants to take it down a notch.Let's Bake!: A Pusheen Cookbook (A pusheen Book Ser.)
By Claire Belton, Susanne Ng. 2020
Celebrate the tenth anniversary of Pusheen—the internet&’s favorite cartoon cat—with this colorful and fun collection of recipes that is filled…
with cookies, cakes, and other delicious treats.The ultimate cookbook for Pusheen fans and cat lovers alike, Let&’s Bake features forty vibrant recipes for sweet treats and savory snacks, inspired by the adorably plump and mischievous kitty. Each recipe is either Pusheen-shaped, or features Pusheen&’s face or the faces of her friends so these treats will satisfy your taste buds and tickle your funny bone. With recipes for home chefs of every skill level—from fruit tarts to donuts and beyond—there is something delicious for everyone in Let&’s Bake.Yes, world domination and eternal adoration can be yours!"The way to make a million dollars is to start a religion."Attributed…
to L. Ron Hubbard, founder of ScientologyWouldn't you like to control countless worshippers with a single word? To call forth bountiful offerings of gold and silver? Wouldn't you love to make your acolytes bow in awe of your greatness?Starting a new religion can be fun and profitable. You'll laugh along with Philip Athans (founder, leader, and sole member of the Church of Phil), as he shows you how to:Gather the flock and keep 'em coming back for moreOrganize mysterious and complex ritualsInterrogate (or just ridicule) the hell out of nonbelieversRecruit celebrity spokespeople, from Tom Cruise to Uma Thurman If you've ever felt the need to sacrifice on an altar beneath a blood-red moon, or just make Friday a holy day (three-day weekend, anyone?), this is the only sacred creed you need.Live long and prosper.Dan Gets a Minivan: Life at the Intersection of Dude and Dad
By Dan Zevin. 2012
A coming-of-middle-age tale told with warmth and wit, Dan Gets a Minivan provides the one thing every parent really needs:…
comic relief. Whether you’re a dude, a dad, or someone who’s married to either, fasten your seat belt and prepare to crack up. The least hip citizen of Brooklyn, Dan Zevin has a working wife, two small children, a mother who visits each week to “help,” and an obese Labrador mutt who prefers to be driven rather than walked. How he got to this point is a bit of a blur. There was a wedding, and then there was a puppy. A home was purchased in New England. A wife was promoted and transferred to New York. A town house. A new baby boy. A new baby girl. A stay-at-home dad was born. A prescription for Xanax was filled. Gray hairs appeared; gray hairs fell out. Six years passed in six seconds. And then came the minivan. Dan Zevin, master of “Seinfeld-ian nothingness” (Time), is trying his best to make the transition from couplehood to familyhood. Acclimating to the adult-oriented lifestyle has never been his strong suit, and this slice-of-midlife story chronicles the whole hilarious journey—from instituting date night to joining Costco; from touring Disneyland to recovering from knee surgery; from losing ambition to gaining perspective. Where it’s all heading is anyone’s guess, but, for Dan, suburbia’s calling—and his minivan has GPS.Hyena
By Jude Angelini. 2013
A collection of autobiographical stories, told with brutal honesty and dark humor, from one of the top hip-hop radio hosts…
on SiriusXM.Taking you on a journey of heartbreak, depravity, and hilarity, Hyena deftly moves between Jude Angelini&’s adult life to his childhood growing up in a factory town outside of Detroit. Exploring drugs, sex, and the human condition, these stories also captures the hardscrabble culture, language, and landscape of post-industrial Detroit, from which came some of pop culture&’s most compelling artists.Ask Me What's for Dinner One More Time: Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood
By Meredith Masony. 2020
From the founder of That&’s Inappropriate—one of the most popular parenting blogs on the web—comes a hilarious, genuine, and relatable…
essay collection on the ups and downs of motherhood. Meredith Masony founded That&’s Inappropriate in 2014 as an innocent and humorous way to chronicle her chaotic days as a working mom, child wrangler, and busy wife. It soon evolved into a massive, dynamic community of parents—now nearly three million strong—brought together by their shared belief that parenthood and marriage don&’t have to be perfect.Now, in Ask Me What&’s for Dinner One More Time, Meredith shares her collection of witty essays on the universal frustrations of being a mom in today&’s world, presenting her laugh-out-loud perspective on sex, aging, anxiety, friendship, and much more. Perfect for fans of Jenny Lawson, Laura Clery, and Jen Mann, these essays provide laughter, relief, validation, and &“a metaphorical hug for all of those moments you spend crying on your bathroom floor, thinking that you are failing at the hardest job on the planet.&”What Would Cleopatra Do?: Life Lessons from 50 of History's Most Extraordinary Women
By E. Foley, B. Coates. 2018
&“Fun, cheeky&” (Booklist), and a visual delight, What Would Cleopatra Do? shares the wisdom and advice passed down from Cleopatra,…
Queen Victoria, Dorothy Parker, and forty-seven other heroines from past eras on how to handle common problems women have encountered throughout history and still face today.What Would Cleopatra Do? tackles issues by reminding us of inspiring feminists from the past, telling their stories with warmth, humor, and verve. From sticking up for yourself, improving body image, deciding whether to have children, finding a mentor, getting dumped, feeling like an imposter, being unattractive, and dealing with gossip, we can learn a lot by reading motivational stories of heroic women who, living in much tougher times through history, took control of their own destinies and made life work for them.Here are Cleopatra&’s thoughts on sibling rivalry, Mae West on positive body image, Frida Kahlo on finding your style, Catherine the Great on dealing with gossip, Agatha Christie on getting dumped, Hedy Lamarr on being underestimated—to list only a few—as well as others who address dilemmas including career-planning, female friendship, loneliness, financial management, and political engagement.Featuring whimsical illustrations by L.A.-based artist Bijou Karman, What Would Cleopatra Do? is a distinctive, witty, and gift-worthy tribute to history&’s outstanding women.Stand by Your Truth: And Then Run For Your Life!
By Rickey Smiley. 2017
Part memoir, part testimonial, and part life guide, Stand by Your Truth mixes Rickey Smiley&’s down-home humor with the values…
he learned from being raised by three generations of elders, steeped in the Baptist church, and mentored by some of the most celebrated comics in the entertainment industry today.&“I&’m very passionate about everything that I do and I don&’t play any games. I just keep it honest. I don&’t put on airs. That&’s the only way you can be. If you tell one lie, you&’ve got to tell another lie. I&’m cool with who I am. What you see is what you get.&” Stand-up comic. Single dad. Radio personality. TV star. Prankster. Producer. Community activist. Man of faith.Visit a church, comedy club, college campus, or barber shop, and you&’ll find few people who aren&’t familiar with, or fans of, Rickey Smiley. At least four million listeners in more than seventy markets tune in every weekday morning to hear him banter with his radio show crew, hilariously prank call an unsuspecting listener, and perform skits featuring his one-man cast of characters, including &“Lil Darryl,&” &“Beauford,&” and &“Joe Willie.&”But in between the rapid-fire jokes and celebrity dish are flashes of how Rickey views the world, from the challenges of raising children, to the importance of education, to the need to always stand by your own truth. After more than two decades in the spotlight, Rickey is finally ready to delve more deeply into the opinions he voices on the air, riffing on those issues that his listeners, viewers, and fans find most important. This collection of personal and powerful essays will speak to readers from all walks of life, and is sure to inspire you to Stand by Your Truth.SchadenFreezers!: 56 Cruel Jokes in 12 Fun Flavors
By Jason Kreher, Matt Moore. 2015
Sadism on a stick!Get ready for the bitter taste of SchadenFreezers! This dark twist on your favorite frozen treat has…
some serious bite. From racist grandmas to underappreciated janitors, no one is safe in this compilation of colorfully depraved jokes!What kind of sandwich does a ballerina eat? (Yeah right.)Why did the circus close? (A long, chilling list of animal rights violations.)How many lives does a cat have? (Only one.)Abroad in Japan: The No. 1 Sunday Times Bestseller
By Chris Broad. 2023
THE NUMBER ONE BESTSELLER'Chris Broad explores Japan in all its quirky glory..Endlessly fascinating!'Will Ferguson, author of Hokkaido Highway Blues'Carves a…
unique path across Japan bringing him into contact with far too many cats, heartening renewal in Tohoku, and even pizza with Ken Watanabe.'Iain Maloney, author of The Only Gaijin in the Village'Fascinating, fact-packed and very funny..An excellent and enjoyable read for the Japan-curious. I loved it and learned a lot.'Sam Baldwin, author of For Fukui's Sake: Two years in rural JapanWhen Englishman Chris Broad landed in a rural village in northern Japan he wondered if he'd made a huge mistake. With no knowledge of the language and zero teaching experience, was he about to be the most quickly fired English teacher in Japan's history?Abroad in Japan charts a decade of living in a foreign land and the chaos and culture clash that came with it. Packed with hilarious and fascinating stories, this book seeks out to unravel one the world's most complex cultures.Spanning ten years and all forty-seven prefectures, Chris takes us from the lush rice fields of the countryside to the frenetic neon-lit streets of Tokyo. With blockbuster moments such as a terrifying North Korean missile incident, a mortifying experience at a love hotel and a week spent with Japan's biggest movie star, Abroad in Japan is an extraordinary and informative journey through the Land of the Rising Sun.Number one Sunday Times bestseller, August 2023Writing Movies for Fun and Profit: How We Made a Billion Dollars at the Box Office and You Can, Too!
By Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon. 2011
This isthe only screenwriting guide by two guys who have actually done it (instead of some schmuck who just gives…
lectures about screenwriting at the airport Marriott); “These guys are proof that with no training and little education, ANYONE can make it as a screenwriter” (Paul Rudd).Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon’s movies have made over a billion dollars at the box office—and now they show you how to do it yourself! This book is full of secret insider information about how to conquer the Hollywood studio system: how to write, pitch, structure, and get drunk with the best of them. Well…maybe not the best of them, but certainly the most successful. (If you’re aiming to win an Oscar, this is not the book for you!) But if you can type a little, and can read and speak English—then you too can start turning your words into stacks of money!This is the only screenwriting book you will ever need (because all other ones pretty much suck). In these pages, Garant and Lennon provide the kind of priceless tips you won’t find anywhere else, including:-The art of pitching -Getting your foot in the door -Taking notes from movie stars -How to get fired and rehired -How to get credit and royalties!And most important: what to buy with the huge piles of money you’re going to make!Writing Movies for Fun and Profit will take you through the highs and lows of life as a professional screenwriter. From the highs of hugging Gisele Bündchen and getting kung fu punched by Jackie Chan to the soul-crushing lows of Herbie: Fully Loaded.Read this book and you’ll have everything you need to make your first billion the old-fashioned way—by “selling out” in show business!A portion of the authors’ proceeds from this book are being contributed to the USO of Metropolitan Washington, a private, nonprofit organization dedicated to serving active duty military members and their families in the greater Washington, DC, region.Beautiful People: My Family and Other Glamorous Varmints
By Simon Doonan. 2009
A wickedly funny memoir with echoes of David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, Beautiful People (originally published in hardcover as Nasty)…
is now a BBC comedy hit series from the producer of Ab Fab and The Office. Proclaimed "the most brilliant, brash thing in type" by Liz Smith, Simon Doonan's saucy prose has established him as an emerging star among literary humorists. In this break-through memoir, reminiscent of both Sedaris and Burroughs, he revisits the landscape of his youth, and displays the irresistible charm that earned him his dedicated audience. Long before he became a celebrity in his own right--as the author of best-selling books, as the style arbiter of VH1 and America's Top Model, and the marketing genius behind Barney's New York--Simon Doonan was a "scabby knee'd troll" in Reading, England. In Beautiful People, Doonan returns to the working-class neighborhood of his youth, and chronicles the misadventures of the Doonan clan in all their wacky glory. Readers meet his mother Betty, whose gravity-defying, peroxide hairdo signified her natural glamour; his father Terry, an amateur vintner who turned parsnips into the legendary Chateau Doonan; his grandfather D.C., a hard-drinking betting man who plotted to win his fortune by turning Simon into a jockey; and his demented grandma Narg and schizophrenic Uncle Ken, both of whom lived upstairs. Fearing he would fall victim to the insanity that runs in his family, or, worse, the banality of suburban life, Doonan decamps with his flamboyant best-friend Biddie to London, where they hope to find the Beautiful People, that elusive clan who luxuriate on floor pillows and amuse each other with bon mots. Throughout the memoir--in essays about family holidays, the tart who lived next door, his first job--Doonan continues his bumbling pursuit of the fabulous life, only to learn, in the end, that perhaps the Beautiful People were the ones he left behind.The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny
By Peter McGraw, Joel Warner. 2014
Part road-trip comedy and part social science experiment, a scientist and a journalist “shed fascinating light on what makes us…
laugh and why” (New York Post).Two guys. Nineteen experiments. Five continents. 91,000 miles. The Humor Code follows the madcap adventures and oddball experiments of Professor Peter McGraw and writer Joel Warner as they discover the secret behind what makes things funny. In their search, they interview countless comics, from Doug Stanhope to Louis CK and travel across the globe from Norway to New York, from Palestine to the Amazon. It’s an epic quest, both brainy and harebrained, that culminates at the world’s largest comedy festival where the pair put their hard-earned knowledge to the test.For the first time, they have established a comprehensive theory that answers the question “what makes things funny?” Based on original research from the Humor Research Lab (HuRL) at the University of Colorado, Boulder, and the pair’s experiences across the globe, The Humor Code explains the secret behind winning the New Yorker cartoon caption contest, why some dead baby jokes are funnier than others, and whether laughter really is the best medicine. Hilarious, surprising, and sometimes even touching, The Humor Code “lays out a convincing theory about how humor works, and why it’s an essential survival mechanism” (Mother Jones).What Would Betty Do?: How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in This World and the Next
By Betty Bowers. 2002
Betty Bowers is a better Christian than you!In a world of reflected glory and shameless name-dropping, no one can touch…
America's most puritanical pundit, Betty Bowers. Betty is so close to Jesus, He's given her His loaves and fish recipe. And only Betty knows how many shopping days there are until the Apocalypse. As she is fond of saying: "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!" In Prada and in prayer, Betty has devoted her life to bringing people the Good News: They are going straight to Hell. Thousands have aspired to emulate her joie d'apres vivre by logging on to her popular website, bettybowers.com. But only now, with What Would Betty Do? does she finally reveal her spiritual survival secrets. You'll discover how, come Judgment Day, to be whisked through the 10 Sins or Less express line. But first, you will have to learn how to vote (for God's Own Party, the Republicans), whom to hate (Lie-berals and other non-Baptists), and what to throw (a soirée -- and then a few stones!). "After all," warns Betty, "if Heaven is just going to involve running into all the people you avoided on Earth, what would be the point?"Unchic? Unsaved? Wavering faith? Wandering hands? A pair of $650 Manolo Blahnik pumps that won't go with anything? No problem! Just ask yourself -- What would Betty do?My Inappropriate Life: Some Material May Not Be Suitable For Small Children, Nuns, Or Mature Adults
By Heather McDonald. 2013
In this hilarious account of her venture into motherhood, New York Times bestselling author and Chelsea Lately writer and star…
Heather McDonald explains her outrageous attempts to have it all—her way.Following her laugh-out-loud New York Times bestseller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Chelsea Lately writer and star Heather McDonald moves on from dating to motherhood with this new collection of outrageous essays chronicling her attempt to have it all—her way.This self-proclaimed “Real Housewife of Woodland Hills” is determined to achieve A-list status (thus expanding her entourage beyond her three school-age children and a househusband who is infuriatingly bad at collecting neighborhood gossip) and to defeat (or at least be accepted by) the mean neighborhood moms who judge her for taking her kids to a stripper pool party in Vegas. It’s a lot to juggle when she’s also battling Chelsea Handler and coworkers for the crudest practical jokes (just ask her about that “free” Vera Wang dress). . . .My Life as a Goddess: A Memoir through (Un)Popular Culture
By Guy Branum. 2018
&“Smart, fast, clever, and funny (As f*ck!)&” (Tiffany Haddish), this collection of side-splitting and illuminating essays by the popular stand-up…
comedian, alum of Chelsea Lately and The Mindy Project, and host of truTV&’s Talk Show the Game Show is perfect for fans of the New York Times bestsellers Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling and We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby.From a young age, Guy Branum always felt as if he were on the outside looking in.From a stiflingly boring farm town, he couldn&’t relate to his neighbors. While other boys played outside, he stayed indoors reading Greek mythology. And being gay and overweight, he got used to diminishing himself. But little by little, he started learning from all the sad, strange, lonely outcasts in history who had come before him, and he started to feel hope.In this &“singular, genuinely ballsy, and essential&” (Billy Eichner) collection of personal essays, Guy talks about finding a sense of belonging at Berkeley—and stirring up controversy in a newspaper column that led to a run‑in with the Secret Service. He recounts the pitfalls of being typecast as the &“Sassy Gay Friend,&” and how, after taking a wrong turn in life (i.e. law school), he found stand‑up comedy and artistic freedom. He analyzes society&’s calculated deprivation of personhood from fat people, and how, though it&’s taken him a while to accept who he is, he has learned that with a little patience and a lot of humor, self-acceptance is possible.&“Keenly observant and intelligent, Branum&’s book not only offers uproarious insights into walking paths less traveled, but also into what self-acceptance means in a world still woefully intolerant of difference&” (Kirkus Reviews, starred review). My Life as a Goddess is an unforgettable and deeply moving book by one of today&’s most endearing and galvanizing voices in comedy.From the disability rights advocate and creator of the #DisabledAndCute viral campaign, a thoughtful, inspiring, and charming collection of essays…
exploring what it means to be black and disabled in a mostly able-bodied white America. Keah Brown loves herself, but that hadn&’t always been the case. Born with cerebral palsy, her greatest desire used to be normalcy and refuge from the steady stream of self-hate society strengthened inside her. But after years of introspection and reaching out to others in her community, she has reclaimed herself and changed her perspective.In The Pretty One, Brown gives a contemporary and relatable voice to the disabled—so often portrayed as mute, weak, or isolated. With clear, fresh, and light-hearted prose, these essays explore everything from her relationship with her able-bodied identical twin (called &“the pretty one&” by friends) to navigating romance; her deep affinity for all things pop culture—and her disappointment with the media&’s distorted view of disability; and her declaration of self-love with the viral hashtag #DisabledAndCute.By &“smashing stigmas, empowering her community, and celebrating herself&” (Teen Vogue), Brown and The Pretty One aims to expand the conversation about disability and inspire self-love for people of all backgrounds.A Capacious and Quintessential GuideMaxims: #1: Carry a Scholarly Book (at All Times) #12: Know Your Manet from Your Monet…
#14: Be Proficient in at Least One Classical Instrument #64: Learn to Recite Romantic-Era Poetry on CueIf you think you need a PhD in Greek and Roman philosophy from an Ivy League school to call yourself an intellectual, reconsider your supposition. While you may envy the initials that follow distinguished names of professors and the intellectual elite, it's not the mortar board and scholarly robes you needit's the obscure esoterica. In this primer, you'll learn to walk the talk of the intelligentsia, leaving simpletons and pseudo-intellectuals in your dust.Inside How to Become an Intellectual, you will find the prodigious truths every self-respecting learned person lives by. This code of scholarly behavior allows aspiring high-brows like yourself to educate their unfortunate lessers, amaze their Mensa friends, and impress their fellow wise peopleone distinguished bon mot at a time!