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Crap Souvenirs: The Ultimate Kitsch Collection
By Doug Lansky. 2012
The Best of the Worst Ah, those tacky trinkets that find their way into our suitcases and our hearts… The…
Hugo Chavez action figure from a trip to Venezuela. A bikini-clad plastic flamingo commemorating your favorite vacation to Miami Beach. And those Mussolini boxer shorts to memorialize your visit to Italy. Whether you have some of these items scattered on your shelves or you like to poke fun at those who do, this illustrated collection of tacky souvenirs is for anyone who appreciates the finer aspects of off-the-charts kitsch. .My Dining Hell: Twenty Ways to Have a Lousy Night Out
By Jay Rayner. 2012
I have been a restaurant critic for over a decade, written reviews of well over 700 establishments, and if there…
is one thing I have learned it is that people like reviews of bad restaurants. No, scratch that. They adore them, feast upon them like starving vultures who have spotted fly-blown carrion out in the bush. They claim otherwise, of course. Readers like to present themselves as private arbiters of taste; as people interested in the good stuff. I'm sure they are. I'm sure they really do care whether the steak was served au point as requested or whether the souffle had achieved a certain ineffable lightness. And yet, when I compare dinner to bodily fluids, the room to an S & M chamber (only without the glamor or class), and the bill to an act of grand larceny, why, then the baying crowd is truly happy. Don't believe me? Then why, presented with the chance to buy this ebook filled with accounts of twenty restaurants - their chefs, their owners, their poor benighted front of house staff - getting a complete stiffing courtesy of the sort of vitriolic bloody-curdling review which would make the victims call for their mothers, did you seize it with both hands?Chuck Norris Cannot Be Stopped
By Ian Spector. 2010
The Legend of Chuck Norris Lives On. . . After the deadly duo of The Truth About Chuck Norris and…
Chuck Norris vs. Mr. Tround house-kicked bestseller lists, Ian Spector returns to complete the thrillogy that has become just as unstoppable, herculean, and legendary as Chuck Norris himself. CHUCK NORRIS CANNOT BE STOPPED reveals 400 all-new facts about the roughest, toughest, and buffest man to ever stalk the face of the Earth. This third testament about the master of macho manliness uncovers such unknown facts as: Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter. The reason we haven't found Osama Bin Laden is because Chuck Norris found him first. When Chuck Norris tells time, time obeys. A solar eclipse is the sun's attempt to hide from Chuck Norris. Someone once put Chuck Norris on hold. That's where the term choke-hold comes from. A man once broke every bone in his body to avoid Chuck Norris doing it for him. Brimming with brawn and full of fortitude, CHUCK NORRIS CANNOT BE STOPPED contains everything you ever wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were too terrified to ask.Night Terrors
By Ashley Cardiff. 2013
From getting kicked out of Bible study to metaphysics with strippersa misanthrope's wickedly witty observations about the ridiculous, raunchy, and…
frequently disturbing impulses that propel human existence. With the wit of David Sedaris and the analytical sharpshooting of Sloane Crosley, Ashley Cardiff spares no oneleast of all herselfin an absurd and relentlessly funny journey of sexual development. Cardiff reflects on her introverted, awkward and too-smart teenage years to her slightly bolder (but still uncomfortable) adult relationships, all while exploring the rich anthropological terrain of sex and love. Expounding on dating Mormons, the inherent weirdness of adolescent development, sexual nightmare-fantasies about Prince, family members' sex tapes, and narrowly avoiding a teenage orgy, Cardiff recognizes sexuality for the anxiety-making force it is. Weaving adept analysis with hilarious anecdotes, she goes for something much deeper than a rant, crafting satire that's as smart as it is ruthless. Delivering fresh, unapologetic views from the perspective of a precise and ferociously irreverent young female writer, Night Terrors is a rollicking manifesto on the agonies of modern life and love. .Cherise the Niece
By Benton, J. K.. 2008
Edward Gorey meets The Bunny Suicides in a murderously funny tale from the creator of It’s Happy Bunny From the creator of the…
hugely successful It’s Happy Bunny franchise comes a little piece of work named Cherise, who may be, it turns out, a not-so-nice niece. In the tradition of Edward Gorey’s The Gashlycrumb Tinies, Jim Benton’s first adult picture book, with hilarious rhymes and illustrations, is a darkly comic masterpiece of the macabre. She was orphaned quite young In a mysterious way, Her parents just up and vanished one day. ” The bloody footprints leading out of Cherise’s bedroom are the first clue that perhaps the little darling with the bow in her hair is not an angel. As Cherise is shuttled from one aunt’s home to another, her aunts vanish, meeting inventive and hysterical ends. With a killer punch line on its final page, Jim Benton’s Cherise the Niece will leave readers laughing. .Tales From a West Australian Cop
By Bob Macdonald. 2016
Real life police drama is okay...but true stories of police emergencies that make you laugh out loud--as well as shudder--are…
better! Experience what it's like to be involved in a high-speed car chase. Learn how to cope with the stress of telling someone of the death of a loved one. What is life like on a remote Australian desert aboriginal community? How do police deal with tribal 'pay-back' spearing incidents? Experience the anguish of working in a war zone...and why controlling your imagination is so crucial, when you find yourself alone facing a deranged man armed with a weapon. Stare death in the face at the hands of drunken or drug crazed people...and live to tell the tale. Laughter helps the mind, heals the body and is a critical survival tool for all who work on the frontline of death, dying and disaster. Take a peek inside this diary of a West Australian Police Officer who knows that it's okay to laugh at yourself and the world around you. A natural storyteller, Bob MacDonald's writing is refreshing and makes easy reading. MacDonald spent thirty years serving as a police officer; working his way through the ranks--from a raw recruit through to a commissioned officer attached to the Internal Investigation Branch of the Professional Standards Portfolio. His duties included time with the United Nations Civilian Police blue beret peacekeepers, based on the island nation of Cyprus during the Greek/Turkish conflict, as well as extensive service in Australian outback locations; Papua New Guinea and North Solomon Islands.That's What She Said
By Justin, Nicolas, Bryan. 2011
With the help of TV series like The Office: An American Workplace, TWSS - or 'that's what she said' -…
has quickly become one of the hottest jokes of the 21st century. Now, in a book exploding with laughs, Justin Wishne and Bryan Nicolas, founders of TWSSstories. com, bring together hundreds of screamingly hilarious TWSS moments from fans, choice historical and celebrity quotes, an introduction from 'she' and a brief history of the phrase.Ben & Me
By Cameron Gunn. 2010
Thirteen weeks. Thirteen virtues. Cameron Gunn considered himself a regular guy-a pretty good husband, father, attorney, and friend. But was…
there room for improvement? A reader of history and a fan of Ben Franklin (and weary of self-help advice that never seems to offer much help), Gunn decided to try a little experiment. He would attempt to live by Franklin's thirteen virtues, a list of lofty ideals the Founding Father held dear, as enumerated in his famous autobiography. Would Gunn's plan to improve his life, Citizen Ben-style, prove to be a brilliant reinvention of the self-help movement or a boondoggle of revolutionary proportions? By turns heartfelt, hilarious, and more than a little humbling, Gunn's adventure takes this ordinary man way outside his comfort zone and into a thicket of not-so-modern values. The result is an engaging mix of humor and history-with perhaps a lightning bolt of inspiration or two along the way. Prepare to get up close and personal with everyone's favorite Founding Father. Temperance * Silence * Order * Resolution * Frugality * Industry * Sincerity * Justice * Moderation * Cleanliness * Tranquility * Chastity * Humility .How Not to Act Like a Little Old Lady
By Mary Mchugh. 2010
In this humorous, advice-filled book, best-selling author Mary McHugh has written down her secrets for living a long and happy…
life after 50. If you're looking for ways to enrich your days, to be happier, to find a new approach to life's problems, you need this book. It's for everyone who wants to make the years ahead more fulfilling, more fun and more meaningful. Each chapter is a short take on making every day better than the day before. If you want to look better, feel better, have more fun, try the tips in this easy-to-read, lively book, so you never act like a little old lady.I'm Not High
By Jim Breuer. 2010
A hilarious memoir from comedian Jim Breuer, with inside stories from his career in comedy as well as deeply personal…
moments from his life. With his goofy smile, sleepy eyes, and stoner's laugh, Jim Breuer might not appear to be the most introspective comedian out there. The fact that he made his mark playing Goat Boy on Saturday Night Live and a recalcitrant toker in the stoner classic Half Baked likely doesn't help his reputation at all. But in I'm Not High, we meet a whole new Jim Breuer. Jim dishes on everything from the SNL years to his early adventures in film. The cast of characters includes Chris Farley, Dave Chappelle, and Tracy Morgan-who all taught Jim lasting lessons about the high-stakes game of fame. He also chronicles the role family has played in keeping him honest. Whether he's arguing with his wife about religion, taking care of his kids, or helping his ailing father get through the day with his dignity intact, it's clear that some of Jim's best material comes from his best moments as a son and a dad and a husband. .Pirattitude!: So you Wanna Be a Pirate?
By Dave Barry, John Baur, Mark Summers. 2002
Set sail for high-seas hijinks and nautical nonsense with those paragons of Pirattitude who invented the famous International Talk Like…
a Pirate Day. Whether readers are old hands at pirating or hopeless landlubbers, the Pirate Guys will have them pirate-savvy in no time with sure-fire pirate pickup lines for any occasion, tips on how to make their pirate party a buccaneer ball that even Martha Stewart would be proud of, and help determining their true pirate monicker.History of Friedrich II of Prussia, Volume 21
By Thomas Carlyle.
Satires of Circumstance With Miscellaneous Pieces
By Thomas Hardy.
How to Talk Minnesotan: Revised for the 21st Century
By Howard Mohr. 2013
A revised edition of the hilarious Minnesotan culture guide from a former writer for A Prairie Home Companion Fans…
of the Minnesota-set movie Fargo will love this uproarious culture guide to all-things Minnesotan. With his dry wit and distinctive voice, Howard Mohr won millions of fans across the country on Garrison Keillor’s radio show A Prairie Home Companion. His popular commercials and ad spots, including one for “Minnesota Language Systems,” became the best of the best of Minnesota humor. Now, Mohr has updated his classic guide, How to Talk Minnesotan, to advise visitors on the use of Twitter and Facebook, cell phone etiquette, and more while in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. .History of Friedrich II of Prussia, Appendix
By Thomas Carlyle.
How Not to Read: Harnessing the Power of a Literature-Free Life
By Dan Wilbur. 2012
The last stupid book you'll ever need to readDon't want to slog through lengthy old books like A Tale of…
Two Cities or The Giving Tree? Sick of being judged by your avid-reader 'friends' who talk about books you've never heard of? Want to sound smarter without the strain of actually bettering yourself? Never fear. In How Not to Read, you'll find techniques to take your way through literature so you never have to read another book-ever!Inside, you'll find:••Tips for getting through anything you have to read by reading faster:Just read every third word. (One Hundred Years of Solitude becomes 'Many as the Colonel was, that when him ice. ' Wow! It's like a Gertrude Stein poem, only more comprehensible!)•Entire genres summed up in a single page: Historical fiction becomes 'Guess who else had sex? Hitler!'•Literary insults to make yourself seem smarter: 'The only thing sadder than you is a Joycean epiphany!' 'You're as weak as a passive sentence written in negative form. And probably not considered by anyone to be worth more than an adverb. 'It's time to stop fearing those people who keep bringing up Ayn Rand. How Not to Read is here to liberate the world from ever needing to read a book again. Praise for betterbooktitles. com'Probably our favorite Tumblr of the Week of all time. . . A blunt and hilarious summation of what that classic is really about. ' Time's NewsFeed blog'Inspired really. ' NPR's Monkey See blogThe Asylum
By Simon Doonan. 2013
After nearly a lifetime spent in the Industry, author and fashion insider Simon Doonan is ready to let you in…
on a little secret: his peers in this multibillion-dollar industry are just as nutty as the denizens of your local loony bin. In The Asylum, an unabashedly hilarious collection of autobiographical essays, Doonan, the creative ambassador for Barneys New York, tells the real-life stories of glamorous madness and stylish insanity. Doonan has witnessed models unable to work for fear of ghosts, gone deep-sea fishing with a couturier pal and his jailbird companion, and watched Anna Wintour remain perfectly calm while the ceiling fellliterallyin the middle of Fashion Week. Once you start looking, he says, you’ll notice telltale signs of lunacy everywhere. Style insiders see patterns and trends in everything; they suffer from outsize personality disorders and delusions of grandeur; and of course, they have a predilection for theatrical makeup and artfully destroyed clothing. No one is more suited to the asylum than the truly die-hard fashionistaafter all, eccentricity and extremism are the foundations of great style. With his gimlet eye for the absurd and a love for eccentricity, Doonan’s personal and professional stories never fail to entertain. The David Sedaris of the style universe” (The Boston Globe) gives us the scoop on the kooky, cutthroatbut always fabulousfashion world, and proves himself one of the sharpest humorists writing today. .A Glória Compartilhada
By Ronyfer, Layane Lílian Andrade Freitas. 2014
Enquanto isso, como medida de precaução, e como rezava a disciplina a seguir nestes casos, os marinheiros ocupados em amarrar…
todos os aparelhamentos e colocar o barco no mar para evitar todo tipo de catástrofe.Paraíso e inferno são separados apenas por uma linha muito tênue. Quem a ultrapassa, seu destino está condenado a mudar drástica e subitamente.A medida que a tarde caía, já no crepúsculo, se percebiam as faíscas que iluminavam toda a abóbada celestial no horizonte, rompendo com violência perversa a tranquilidade da noite que se anunciava.A sombra mortal da tempestade com sua marcha lenta se aproximava ao navio, inexoravelmente.Inútil dar a volta. Contra todos os prognósticos de horas anteriores, a tempestade encaminhava seu andar ameaçante para a embarcação.Não há nada pior que cair no abismo do inferno.Trovões e relâmpagos anunciavamla chegada às portas do mundo dos infernos. As ondas se levantavam enormes de sua letargia inicial formando desmedidos braços de água para pegar tudo o que tivesse ao seu redor.O mar faminto por tragar tudo o que por lei natural lhe pertenece. Tudo o que se encontra em seus domínios.E a embarcação começou a ser sacudida com fúria selvagem. Os marinheiros afogavam seus gritos desesperados enquanto tratavam de colocar o barco sob controle que se balançava como se fosse um barquinho de papel.A morte não tem pressa em seu andar nem tem que se anunciar. Chega forda de tempo e sem aviso prévio. Tal é o balanço da existência. Do que hoje é e do que fica dele depois.Arrastados por aquelas enormes ondas saiam pela borda lançados irreversivelmente para mais além.Cleto, impulsionado por um instinto, como último recurso apenas tevo tempo de se envolver com umas redes que protegiam alguns lenços enormes de lona ficando preso como parte do pacote, enquanto em uma dança tétrica, daquele barco ecoava o raReel Life Lessons ... So Far
By Rico Rodriguez. 2012
“I love to entertain people and make them laugh. Whether through Manny or by just being myself, making people laugh…
is the greatest feeling in the world. Getting an opportunity to do that at my age has taught me a lot. So, I started this journal as a reminder of the most important real and 'reel' life lessons that I hope to never forget. ” Barely into his teen years, Rico Rodriguez is living his dream, playing the hilarious and infectious character Manny Delgado on ABC’s Emmy Award–winning sitcom Modern Family. As his on-screen alter ego, Rico dispenses wisdom with a maturity far beyond his age. In Reel Life Lessons. . . So Far, he shares his own thoughts about growing up, facing life’s challenges, and the importance of family. Written in a simple, lighthearted manner and filled with witty and engaging anecdotes about Rico’s life on and off the set—or, as he puts it, life with his real family and his reel family, Reel Life Lessons. . . So Far reflects a sense of warmth and charm that will remind readers of all ages about the true kid inside us all. .History of Friedrich II of Prussia, Volume 20
By Thomas Carlyle.